Morning People

Is there some kind of contest going on among people who get up early in the morning? Do they compete to see who can get up the earliest, then have bragging rights to their night people friends for the rest of the day?

Is there a cut-off time for early rising, say three-thirty? Any earlier, and it is considered the middle of the night? “Yep, got up at three-forty this morning and feel great. Why I get more done before sunrise than most folks do all day! Hohohoho.” And just what the hell is there to do before dawn, go out and kick chickens awake if you can find them? Is it also a requirement that morning people are cheerful? Is there a law against smacking morning people to shut them up?

Night people not only sleep in when they can, they don’t want to hear about a morning person’s routine. In fact, night people don’t even want to talk until late morning. A retired morning person should never call a retired night person at eight-thirty in the morning and sneer, “Oh, did I wake you? I’ve been up since quarter past six! Get up you lazy thing, you!”

I’ve discovered the reason morning people get up so early is that they not only secretly nap during the day, they go to bed in the afternoon, say around seven. Have you ever called a morning person at just after eight at night and listened to the fumbling and mumbling before they get the phone to their face? It’s great retaliation if they called you that morning. After a muffled hello, they usually ask what time it is. Feel free to play with their head and tell them it’s only seven-forty, but don’t tell them if it’s morning or night.

Morning people and night people should never get married. Morning people get up at some stupid hour, then bang and clang around in the kitchen trying to wake up their partner while filling the house with the smell of coffee. Night people get even by banging and clanging around in the kitchen late at night tearing out a wall or rearranging all the pots and pans. They fill the house with the sound of the really late show and whistle along with the commercials. Nobody gets any sleep, Both are grumpy and, well, you know the ugly results.

It’s time call a truce. You morning people, go find other morning people to tell how early you got up. Let us night people sleep in. The world will be a happier place. At least it will be in my little corner.

P.S. If you noticed what time this was posted, don’t label me a morning person. Now that Fido is settled down again, I’m going back to bed.

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