Oh, what the heck.
Who needs ten reasons?
Who needs any reason at all?
Heard that old saying?
"Life’s short. Eat dessert first."
‘Scuse me, please.
I have to go scoop and enjoy.
© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Modernized Cave Man
Some women are convinced that if it were not for us, men would still be living in caves. Oh, sure they would have big screen TVs to watch caveman football, coolers beside their recliner rocks for rot-gut hops, and a crispy pile of wild pig skins to munch on.
Modern-day cave men would not shave or bathe, sniff their armpits with pride, and smile toothy grins. They would have invented things like motorcycles, chain saws, and sports arenas. There would be no washing machines, soaking tubs, scented candles or chocolate.
Men would have developed complicated governing systems and then go to war with any other system they did not agree with. They would have also developed dozens of religions and war with one another to prove who was right. Some greedy men would go to war for no other reason than that they wanted to have what the other cave clan had.
Women would live in a sister-hood community several caves away and allow in only those men who had recently bathed, scraped their faces and their teeth, and put on clean animal skins. (Bathing facilities and clean animal skins could be obtained from entrepreneurial women.)
Thanks goodness, most men of today have evolved into a higher order of human beings.
Or have they?
P.S. Author Unknown: “If women ruled the world, there would be no more wars; just intense negotiations every twenty-eight days.”
© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords
Modern-day cave men would not shave or bathe, sniff their armpits with pride, and smile toothy grins. They would have invented things like motorcycles, chain saws, and sports arenas. There would be no washing machines, soaking tubs, scented candles or chocolate.
Men would have developed complicated governing systems and then go to war with any other system they did not agree with. They would have also developed dozens of religions and war with one another to prove who was right. Some greedy men would go to war for no other reason than that they wanted to have what the other cave clan had.
Women would live in a sister-hood community several caves away and allow in only those men who had recently bathed, scraped their faces and their teeth, and put on clean animal skins. (Bathing facilities and clean animal skins could be obtained from entrepreneurial women.)
Thanks goodness, most men of today have evolved into a higher order of human beings.
Or have they?
P.S. Author Unknown: “If women ruled the world, there would be no more wars; just intense negotiations every twenty-eight days.”
© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords
Friday, August 14, 2009
Shock Radio – 1950s Style
Back in the old days, just the utterance of the curse word “damn” from a teen’s mouth brought the wrath of every adult in earshot. Talk of you-know-what among groups of teens, despite their rampant hormones, was strictly taboo.
Don’t know about the boys, but among teen girls information about “that” was a popular subject discussed endlessly behind closed doors and accompanied by giggles and sighs.
When one of the local radio stations burst forth on a bright sunny morn with Daddy Rabbit, teens all over the city spread the word faster than a teen today can Twitter.
Daddy Rabbit began his morning patter with, “Hello, boys and girls, it’s your ol’ Daddy Rabbit with the gotta-have-it-habit.” Although it was a time of innocence, most of us got the message.
For the ‘50s, that was a suggestively scandalous statement and the talk got even racier from there. We teens loved it! Those among us lucky enough to have radios in our rooms memorized every word of Daddy Rabbit’s titillating patter to share with non-radio friends before school’s first bell.
One of the most popular of Daddy Rabbit’s platters was the 1954 song “Work With Me, Annie” written and recorded by Hank Ballard. The FCC went nuts and banned the song for its overly suggestive lyrics. Too late. We knew EVERY word.
Nationwide, the song sold over a million copies and topped the R&B charts for seven weeks. The answer songs, “Annie Had A Baby ” and "Annies's Aunt Fanny" soon followed, sold a million copies and were also banned.
Daddy Rabbit, despite having the number one morning show, and his choice of music, was too soon and sadly banned from the airwaves. His fame, however, lives on among us old folks with young memories and if asked, a few of us can still sing a few bars of “Annie had a baby, can’t work no more.”
P.S. Amazon. com has several Hank Ballard and the Midnighters albums. Click the link and scroll down to hear snippets of the famous oldies.
© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Step Away From the Salt Shaker
As we’ve aged, many of us have heard the dreaded words from our physician, “Cut down on the salt.” or worse, “No salt for you.” The American Heart Association recommends less than 2,300 mg of sodium per day. One-fourth teaspoon of salt has 575 mg of sodium!If you are brave enough to check the labels of processed foods or enjoy the yummy taste of fast foods, you can understand what the doc has advised. One microwaved dinner or a trip to fast-food land and you can kiss your salt allowance goodbye for the rest of the day. With some restaurant meals, plan on water only for three days after because the sodium content is so high! (Nutrition information is available online for most chain restaurants. It will scare you.)
After the initial shock wears off from adding up your present daily sodium intake and you clean out the fridge and pantry to remove the temptation of popcorn, pickles, bacon, Ruffles and Cheez-Its. you may find yourself left with only healthy, but blaugh-tasting foods. If you get most of your meals from a drive-through window, you may also have to (brace yourself) cook.
Don’t despair. Help is on the way. Many of the restaurants are responding with “healthy’ choices. In some fast food places, on request you can even get unsalted fries. Oh, what’s with the face?
In time, your palate will adjust to less salty flavors. The compensation for diligence is that you can sneak in some ice cream with a big squirt of chocolate syrup now and then. (Hey, look, I’m only taking about sodium here.)
Food processors are responding to demands for low- and no-salt canned, bottled and packaged foods. No, that doesn’t mean you can still grab the package of sandwich meat and canned soups. It means if you search them out, there low-sodium processed foods are out there. One exciting find for me lately has been Hunt’s Tomato Ketchup No Salt Added. If you haven’t had ketchup for five years and you find this in your grocery, try to not scream “Yippee,” jump up and down and hug the stock person. (I’ve been banned from the grocery until the meds kick in.)
A few weeks ago I had the brilliant idea of starting a second blog for us sodium-sensitive folks, but a Google search turned up a zillion other sources of information. Now I’ve decided to just add a column of low- and no-salt food items to this blog. Your input is very welcome and I hope you will pass along your food finds.
We have released control of your salt shaker and returned you to an upright position. Go forth and shake not.
© Copyright 2009 Text and Photo Suzzwords
Monday, May 25, 2009
Gnewly Engaged
Mr. and Mrs. Gnorman Gnickols announce the engagement of their daughter, Gnelda, to Gned Gnewton, son of Mr and Mrs. Gneil Gnewton. The couple is planning a Fall wedding, with gnuptials taking place in the gnome home of the bride. After a honeymoon to Gnew Orleans, the couple will reside in Gnome Gnook.
© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords Text and Photo
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Ol’ Betsy
She was big, she was bold, she was beautiful. She was a 1966 Pontiac 2+2 coupe. One day, long ago, we went out on an unopened portion of an Interstate highway and as I held my foot down on the gas, she easily soared to 120 mph.
It was glorious as we flew over the concrete for a scant few seconds until my timid brain began screaming, "What the hell are you doing, you idiot, slow down!"
We slowed to a crawl and after I stopped shaking with exhilaration and terror, we turned around, went home and never confessed to "himself" what we had done. It was our secret.
A year later, he got custody of Ol' Betsy and I never saw her again.
I really, really missed Betsy.
April 27, 2009, 9:01 AM -- General Motors ... is killing the Pontiac brand (Wheels section of the The New York Times).
Sigh.
Betsy and I, we had a special bond. She's gone now, but I'll always remember that day.
Here's to you, kid.
Copyright 2009 Suzzwords
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Enough Already
Did a group (or groups) of people slip over the edge of sanity while I was out mowing the yard? I just ran across this web site for Extreme Grooming . Here are some photos from that page.
Extreme poodle grooming!? How can dog lovers actually do THIS to a proud breed descended from the hard-working German water retriever?
Ninja-Turtle
Cock-a-Poodle-Doo
Have our brains overloaded on the quest to compete and excel in anything, even it it’s stupid?
Here's an idea: Combine Extreme Poodle Grooming with Competitive Eating (Yes, Virginia, there is an International Federation of Competitive Eating . I didn’t believe it either.)
The poodle groomers compete first by seeing how many hot dogs they can swallow in three minutes, then present their extremely-groomed dogs.
Following the presentation, the dogs chase their presenters around the ring and be scored on how many nips they inflict on the presenters in five minutes. The groomers “win” by running off the gorged hot dogs and the idiotic-looking dogs "win" revenge.
Win-Win.
For those who have never seen a hot dog eating contest, here’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest 2008.
Their contestants' mothers must be so proud; their cardiologists horrified.
© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Questions, Questions, Questions
How do those automatic faucets and flush toilets in public restrooms work? Yes, I know that when you “break the beam” they activate, but what powers the “beam.” Are they battery-operated, wind up like a clock or just magic? If they are battery-powered, does the housekeeping personnel now have to carry around pockets-full of AA Duracells? (Bet you never thought about that one did you?)
Does your heart really stop when you sneeze?
If an approaching weather front is called a “front,” why is the back not called a “back?” Or is it? If so, is it called a “front back?”
Why are Brussels sprouts not illegal?
Do kids of today still play hopscotch?
Are there piles and piles of hula hoops in a warehouse somewhere just waiting to make a comeback?
Where does the tide go when it goes out? Does it get dressed up or just go casual?
Just what does a “mean streak” look like on an x-ray? Is it anywhere near the “funny bone?”
After deciduous trees drop their leaves, do all the surrounding fir trees whistle? Is that where the expression “wind whistling through the trees” came from, only the trees are actually doing the whistling in the wind?
Who gives cars their silly names?
Have we reached the saturation point with challenge and reality televisions programs?
Over what domain does a drama queen reign?
Do dam-building beavers have taste preferences for particular trees? Is an elm more tasty or an oak too chewy?
Who came up all this transition to digital television anyway? What were they thinking!?
What store sells thinking caps? I just wore mine out.
© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords
Does your heart really stop when you sneeze?
If an approaching weather front is called a “front,” why is the back not called a “back?” Or is it? If so, is it called a “front back?”
Why are Brussels sprouts not illegal?
Do kids of today still play hopscotch?
Are there piles and piles of hula hoops in a warehouse somewhere just waiting to make a comeback?
Where does the tide go when it goes out? Does it get dressed up or just go casual?
Just what does a “mean streak” look like on an x-ray? Is it anywhere near the “funny bone?”
After deciduous trees drop their leaves, do all the surrounding fir trees whistle? Is that where the expression “wind whistling through the trees” came from, only the trees are actually doing the whistling in the wind?
Who gives cars their silly names?
Have we reached the saturation point with challenge and reality televisions programs?
Over what domain does a drama queen reign?
Do dam-building beavers have taste preferences for particular trees? Is an elm more tasty or an oak too chewy?
Who came up all this transition to digital television anyway? What were they thinking!?
What store sells thinking caps? I just wore mine out.
© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Unscientific Reasons Why M&Ms Are Good for You
“Watson, come here. I need you.”
“Ah, there you are. For today’s scientific analysis, we are going to examine M&Ms for their visual nutritional value.”
“Here, you take a handful of the green and blue M&Ms and I’ll take the yellow, orange and red.”
“Our experiment is to determine if the outer candy shell that protects the tasty inner chocolate has any relationship to actual healthy foods.”
“Watson, you go first. Taste a blue one.”
“What?! You ate ALL the blue ones already?! Okay, okay. What is your analysis?”
“Ah, so you believe the blue M&Ms are a visual reference to blueberries which we all know are high in antioxidants."
“Humm, interesting."
"Now I will taste the red, orange and yellow ... uumm, munch, munch ... M&Ms individually.”
“Maybe a handful would be better.”
“Ummm, why yes, Watson, they DO melt in my mouth.”
“Oh, right, back to the subject. Well, um, ah, let’s see. The red ones, now that could possibly remind us of cherries, and of course, the orange (By the way, what rhymes with “orange?”) and yellow ones make us think of citrus fruits. Conclusion, cherries and citrus are wholesome and nutritious.”
“Your turn again. What is your analysis of the green?”
“Brilliant, Watson! The connection between the green M&Ms to grass that is eaten by cows to produce milk which is a good source of calcium is now apparent.”
“All righty now, our experiment is complete for today. What shall we do with the remaining pound of M&Ms in this large bag?”
“Excellent suggestion, Watson. I say we get right to it.”
© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords
P.S. Check out what Wikipedia has to say about the nutritional value of chocolate.
“Ah, there you are. For today’s scientific analysis, we are going to examine M&Ms for their visual nutritional value.”
“Here, you take a handful of the green and blue M&Ms and I’ll take the yellow, orange and red.”
“Our experiment is to determine if the outer candy shell that protects the tasty inner chocolate has any relationship to actual healthy foods.”
“Watson, you go first. Taste a blue one.”
“What?! You ate ALL the blue ones already?! Okay, okay. What is your analysis?”
“Ah, so you believe the blue M&Ms are a visual reference to blueberries which we all know are high in antioxidants."
“Humm, interesting."
"Now I will taste the red, orange and yellow ... uumm, munch, munch ... M&Ms individually.”
“Maybe a handful would be better.”
“Ummm, why yes, Watson, they DO melt in my mouth.”
“Oh, right, back to the subject. Well, um, ah, let’s see. The red ones, now that could possibly remind us of cherries, and of course, the orange (By the way, what rhymes with “orange?”) and yellow ones make us think of citrus fruits. Conclusion, cherries and citrus are wholesome and nutritious.”
“Your turn again. What is your analysis of the green?”
“Brilliant, Watson! The connection between the green M&Ms to grass that is eaten by cows to produce milk which is a good source of calcium is now apparent.”
“All righty now, our experiment is complete for today. What shall we do with the remaining pound of M&Ms in this large bag?”
“Excellent suggestion, Watson. I say we get right to it.”
© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords
P.S. Check out what Wikipedia has to say about the nutritional value of chocolate.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Butterflies are NOT Free
$89.76 – Cost of garden tools to dig up area for butterfly garden.
$14.99 – Cost of fertilizer for butterfly attracting plants.
$18.76 – Cost of variety of butterfly attracting plants.
$5.98 – Cost of ointment to relieve sunburn.
$686.00 – Cost of emergency room treatment for bee sting.
$145.00 – Cost of prescription to relieve swelling from bee sting.
$75.00 – Cost of hiring someone to dig up garden and set plants.
$178.00 – Cost of digital camera to take blurry picture of butterfly.
$957.00 – Cost of emergency room treatment from falling backward over garden tools used to dig up area for butterfly garden while trying to get better angle of butterfly when taking photo.
$29.78 – Cost of newspaper ad to sell garden tools, butterfly attracting plants, and camera.
$14.99 – Cost of fertilizer for butterfly attracting plants.
$18.76 – Cost of variety of butterfly attracting plants.
$5.98 – Cost of ointment to relieve sunburn.
$686.00 – Cost of emergency room treatment for bee sting.
$145.00 – Cost of prescription to relieve swelling from bee sting.
$75.00 – Cost of hiring someone to dig up garden and set plants.
$178.00 – Cost of digital camera to take blurry picture of butterfly.
$957.00 – Cost of emergency room treatment from falling backward over garden tools used to dig up area for butterfly garden while trying to get better angle of butterfly when taking photo.
$29.78 – Cost of newspaper ad to sell garden tools, butterfly attracting plants, and camera.
Priceless – Loathing of stupid butterflies.
© Copyright text and photo 2008 Suzzwords
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month
It's been over two years since I said goodbye forever to one of my dearest friends who died from breast cancer. My sadness is compounded by knowing that even through she had a mammogram, the facility where she went did not properly read the results and recommended that "we watch" the lump. A year later, at another screening center at another facility, it was too late to halt the progress of the monster. Another friend, who is a ten year survivor, also was advised to "watch" the lump. She lost her right breast and underwent agonizing treatment, but is still here today to watch her beautiful grandchildren grow.
Please, women ... have your annual mammogram. If you are the least bit suspicious of the accuracy of the results, get a second opinion. If you discover changes in your breast, go get checked. Now. Those of us who love you, do not want to lose you.
Shortly after the passing of my friend, I went with another friend for her first mammogram in years. The visit to St. Vincent's Breast Health Center made such an impact that I began to jot down notes for what later became my first post in January 2006. As a result of early intervention my friend is still here and all clear.
I'm reprinting that original post to encourage women not to put off breast exams. And you family members ... go with your loved one and hold her purse.
Originally published Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Mammogram
Men should have mammograms to understand the emotions of the community of women who sit in their little pink smocks in a cheery room waiting to have initial or follow-up X-rays or sonograms or more, or for the doctor to read the results and deliver the diagnosis.
Men would then understand the fear a woman faces whether it’s her first or tenth mammogram.
They should see the bravery of the woman struggling to hold back tears as she heads to the changing room after the devastating news that will forever change her life and perhaps end it far too early. It’s then her burden to share the news with her family and while facing her personal fears, try to soothe the emotions of her loved ones. She also sees the days stretch out before her in seemingly endless rounds of doctors, hospitals and treatments.
Men should share the elation of the woman who receives the “all clear” as the tension drains from her face to be replaced with relief and smiles. Men should witness the camaraderie as the other women offer congratulations for having “escaped” the dreaded disease for another year.
They should see the young mother of two small boys sit in the corner avoiding the eyes of the other women to not reveal her nervousness over the uncertainty of what to expect. Then the men should watch as an older woman, a grandmother, senses the fear of the younger woman and draws her into a casual conversation about wallpaper, then squeezes the younger woman’s hand as her name is called for “the test.”
Physically, mammograms are no big deal. They are uncomfortable and on occasion, a bit painful, but they can help detect the tiny beginnings of a monster.
Men should understand the importance of this annual ritual and that without the exams and early detection, many more of us would be lost. They should encourage and support their women to have the exams. Go with them and hold their purses and wait patiently in the family area for their return. Holding a purse for someone you love is much easier than saying “goodbye” forever.
(In memory of my beautiful friend Harriette.)
© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords
Please, women ... have your annual mammogram. If you are the least bit suspicious of the accuracy of the results, get a second opinion. If you discover changes in your breast, go get checked. Now. Those of us who love you, do not want to lose you.
Shortly after the passing of my friend, I went with another friend for her first mammogram in years. The visit to St. Vincent's Breast Health Center made such an impact that I began to jot down notes for what later became my first post in January 2006. As a result of early intervention my friend is still here and all clear.
I'm reprinting that original post to encourage women not to put off breast exams. And you family members ... go with your loved one and hold her purse.
Originally published Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Mammogram
Men should have mammograms to understand the emotions of the community of women who sit in their little pink smocks in a cheery room waiting to have initial or follow-up X-rays or sonograms or more, or for the doctor to read the results and deliver the diagnosis.
Men would then understand the fear a woman faces whether it’s her first or tenth mammogram.
They should see the bravery of the woman struggling to hold back tears as she heads to the changing room after the devastating news that will forever change her life and perhaps end it far too early. It’s then her burden to share the news with her family and while facing her personal fears, try to soothe the emotions of her loved ones. She also sees the days stretch out before her in seemingly endless rounds of doctors, hospitals and treatments.
Men should share the elation of the woman who receives the “all clear” as the tension drains from her face to be replaced with relief and smiles. Men should witness the camaraderie as the other women offer congratulations for having “escaped” the dreaded disease for another year.
They should see the young mother of two small boys sit in the corner avoiding the eyes of the other women to not reveal her nervousness over the uncertainty of what to expect. Then the men should watch as an older woman, a grandmother, senses the fear of the younger woman and draws her into a casual conversation about wallpaper, then squeezes the younger woman’s hand as her name is called for “the test.”
Physically, mammograms are no big deal. They are uncomfortable and on occasion, a bit painful, but they can help detect the tiny beginnings of a monster.
Men should understand the importance of this annual ritual and that without the exams and early detection, many more of us would be lost. They should encourage and support their women to have the exams. Go with them and hold their purses and wait patiently in the family area for their return. Holding a purse for someone you love is much easier than saying “goodbye” forever.
**********************
(In memory of my beautiful friend Harriette.)
© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords
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