Step Away From the Salt Shaker

As we’ve aged, many of us have heard the dreaded words from our physician, “Cut down on the salt.” or worse, “No salt for you.” The American Heart Association recommends less than 2,300 mg of sodium per day. One-fourth teaspoon of salt has 575 mg of sodium!

If you are brave enough to check the labels of processed foods or enjoy the yummy taste of fast foods, you can understand what the doc has advised. One microwaved dinner or a trip to fast-food land and you can kiss your salt allowance goodbye for the rest of the day. With some restaurant meals, plan on water only for three days after because the sodium content is so high! (Nutrition information is available online for most chain restaurants. It will scare you.)

After the initial shock wears off from adding up your present daily sodium intake and you clean out the fridge and pantry to remove the temptation of popcorn, pickles, bacon, Ruffles and Cheez-Its. you may find yourself left with only healthy, but blaugh-tasting foods. If you get most of your meals from a drive-through window, you may also have to (brace yourself) cook.

Don’t despair. Help is on the way. Many of the restaurants are responding with “healthy’ choices. In some fast food places, on request you can even get unsalted fries. On, what’s with the face?

In time, your palate will adjust to less salty flavors. The compensation for diligence is that you can sneak in some ice cream with a big squirt of chocolate syrup now and then. (Hey, look, I’m only taking about sodium here.)

Food processors are responding to demands for low- and no-salt canned, bottled and packaged foods. No, that doesn’t mean you can still grab the package of sandwich meat and canned soups. It means if you search them out, there low-sodium processed foods are out there. One exciting find for me lately has been Hunt’s Tomato Ketchup No Salt Added. If you haven’t had ketchup for five years and you find this in your grocery, try to not scream “Yippee,” jump up and down and hug the stock person. (I’ve been banned from the grocery until the meds kick in.)

A few weeks ago I had the brilliant idea of starting a second blog for us sodium-sensitive folks, but a Google search turned up a zillion other sources of information. Now I’ve decided to just add a column of low- and no-salt food items to this blog. Your input is very welcome and I hope you will pass along your food finds.

We have released control of your salt shaker and returned you to an upright position. Go forth and shake not.

© Copyright 2009 Text and Photo Suzzwords

Gnewly Engaged

Mr. and Mrs. Gnorman Gnickols announce the engagement of their daughter, Gnelda, to Gned Gnewton, son of Mr and Mrs. Gneil Gnewton. The couple is planning a Fall wedding, with gnuptials taking place in the gnome home of the bride. After a honeymoon to Gnew Orleans, the couple will reside in Gnome Gnook.

© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords Text and Photo

Ol’ Betsy

She was big, she was bold, she was beautiful. She was a 1966 Pontiac 2+2 coupe. One day, long ago, we went out on an unopened portion of an Interstate highway and as I held my foot down on the gas, she easily soared to 120 mph.

It was glorious as we flew over the concrete for a scant few seconds until my timid brain began screaming, "What the hell are you doing, you idiot, slow down!"

We slowed to a crawl and after I stopped shaking with exhilaration and terror, we turned around, went home and never confessed to "himself" what we had done. It was our secret.

A year later, he got custody of Ol' Betsy and I never saw her again.

I really, really missed Betsy.

April 27, 2009, 9:01 AM -- General Motors ... is killing the Pontiac brand (Wheels section of the The New York Times).

Sigh.

Betsy and I, we had a special bond. She's gone now, but I'll always remember that day.

Here's to you, kid.

Copyright 2009 Suzzwords

Enough Already

Did a group (or groups) of people slip over the edge of sanity while I was out mowing the yard? I just ran across this web site for Extreme Grooming . Here are some photos from that page.

Extreme poodle grooming!? How can dog lovers actually do THIS to a proud breed descended from the hard-working German water retriever?

Ninja-Turtle

Cock-a-Poodle-Doo

Have our brains overloaded on the quest to compete and excel in anything, even it it’s stupid?

Here's an idea: Combine Extreme Poodle Grooming with Competitive Eating (Yes, Virginia, there is an International Federation of Competitive Eating . I didn’t believe it either.)

The poodle groomers compete first by seeing how many hot dogs they can swallow in three minutes, then present their extremely-groomed dogs.

Following the presentation, the dogs chase their presenters around the ring and be scored on how many nips they inflict on the presenters in five minutes. The groomers “win” by running off the gorged hot dogs and the idiotic-looking dogs "win" revenge.

Win-Win.

For those who have never seen a hot dog eating contest, here’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest 2008.

Their contestants' mothers must be so proud; their cardiologists horrified.

© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords

Chocolate Easter Bunnies

Hellooooo, Spring!

© Copyright photos 2009 Suzzwords

Questions, Questions, Questions

How do those automatic faucets and flush toilets in public restrooms work? Yes, I know that when you “break the beam” they activate, but what powers the “beam.” Are they battery-operated, wind up like a clock or just magic? If they are battery-powered, does the housekeeping personnel now have to carry around pockets-full of AA Duracells? (Bet you never thought about that one did you?)

Does your heart really stop when you sneeze?

If an approaching weather front is called a “front,” why is the back not called a “back?” Or is it? If so, is it called a “front back?”

Why are Brussels sprouts not illegal?

Do kids of today still play hopscotch?

Are there piles and piles of hula hoops in a warehouse somewhere just waiting to make a comeback?

Where does the tide go when it goes out? Does it get dressed up or just go casual?

Just what does a “mean streak” look like on an x-ray? Is it anywhere near the “funny bone?”

After deciduous trees drop their leaves, do all the surrounding fir trees whistle? Is that where the expression “wind whistling through the trees” came from, only the trees are actually doing the whistling in the wind?

Who gives cars their silly names?

Have we reached the saturation point with challenge and reality televisions programs?

Over what domain does a drama queen reign?

Do dam-building beavers have taste preferences for particular trees? Is an elm more tasty or an oak too chewy?

Who came up all this transition to digital television anyway? What were they thinking!?

What store sells thinking caps? I just wore mine out.

© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords

Unscientific Reasons Why M&Ms Are Good for You

“Watson, come here. I need you.”

“Ah, there you are. For today’s scientific analysis, we are going to examine M&Ms for their visual nutritional value.”

“Here, you take a handful of the green and blue M&Ms and I’ll take the yellow, orange and red.”

“Our experiment is to determine if the outer candy shell that protects the tasty inner chocolate has any relationship to actual healthy foods.”

“Watson, you go first. Taste a blue one.”

“What?! You ate ALL the blue ones already?! Okay, okay. What is your analysis?”

“Ah, so you believe the blue M&Ms are a visual reference to blueberries which we all know are high in antioxidants."

“Humm, interesting."

"Now I will taste the red, orange and yellow ... uumm, munch, munch ... M&Ms individually.”

“Maybe a handful would be better.”

“Ummm, why yes, Watson, they DO melt in my mouth.”

“Oh, right, back to the subject. Well, um, ah, let’s see. The red ones, now that could possibly remind us of cherries, and of course, the orange (By the way, what rhymes with “orange?”) and yellow ones make us think of citrus fruits. Conclusion, cherries and citrus are wholesome and nutritious.”

“Your turn again. What is your analysis of the green?”

“Brilliant, Watson! The connection between the green M&Ms to grass that is eaten by cows to produce milk which is a good source of calcium is now apparent.”

“All righty now, our experiment is complete for today. What shall we do with the remaining pound of M&Ms in this large bag?”

“Excellent suggestion, Watson. I say we get right to it.”

© Copyright 2009 Suzzwords

P.S. Check out what Wikipedia has to say about the nutritional value of chocolate.

Merry Christmas

Oh, go ahead. You know you want to play!

Happy Thanksgiving

After dinner, why not enjoy a challenging word game?

Butterflies are NOT Free

$89.76 – Cost of garden tools to dig up area for butterfly garden.

$14.99 – Cost of fertilizer for butterfly attracting plants.

$18.76 – Cost of variety of butterfly attracting plants.

$5.98 – Cost of ointment to relieve sunburn.

$686.00 – Cost of emergency room treatment for bee sting.

$145.00 – Cost of prescription to relieve swelling from bee sting.

$75.00 – Cost of hiring someone to dig up garden and set plants.

$178.00 – Cost of digital camera to take blurry picture of butterfly.

$957.00 – Cost of emergency room treatment from falling backward over garden tools used to dig up area for butterfly garden while trying to get better angle of butterfly when taking photo.

$29.78 – Cost of newspaper ad to sell garden tools, butterfly attracting plants, and camera.

Priceless – Loathing of stupid butterflies.

© Copyright text and photo 2008 Suzzwords

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

It's been over two years since I said goodbye forever to one of my dearest friends who died from breast cancer. My sadness is compounded by knowing that even through she had a mammogram, the facility where she went did not properly read the results and recommended that "we watch" the lump. A year later, at another screening center at another facility, it was too late to halt the progress of the monster. Another friend, who is a ten year survivor, also was advised to "watch" the lump. She lost her right breast and underwent agonizing treatment, but is still here today to watch her beautiful grandchildren grow.

Please, women ... have your annual mammogram. If you are the least bit suspicious of the accuracy of the results, get a second opinion. If you discover changes in your breast, go get checked. Now. Those of us who love you, do not want to lose you.

Shortly after the passing of my friend, I went with another friend for her first mammogram in years. The visit to St. Vincent's Breast Health Center made such an impact that I began to jot down notes for what later became my first post in January 2006. As a result of early intervention my friend is still here and all clear.

I'm reprinting that original post to encourage women not to put off breast exams. And you family members ... go with your loved one and hold her purse.

Originally published Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Mammogram

Men should have mammograms to understand the emotions of the community of women who sit in their little pink smocks in a cheery room waiting to have initial or follow-up X-rays or sonograms or more, or for the doctor to read the results and deliver the diagnosis.

Men would then understand the fear a woman faces whether it’s her first or tenth mammogram.

They should see the bravery of the woman struggling to hold back tears as she heads to the changing room after the devastating news that will forever change her life and perhaps end it far too early. It’s then her burden to share the news with her family and while facing her personal fears, try to soothe the emotions of her loved ones. She also sees the days stretch out before her in seemingly endless rounds of doctors, hospitals and treatments.

Men should share the elation of the woman who receives the “all clear” as the tension drains from her face to be replaced with relief and smiles. Men should witness the camaraderie as the other women offer congratulations for having “escaped” the dreaded disease for another year.

They should see the young mother of two small boys sit in the corner avoiding the eyes of the other women to not reveal her nervousness over the uncertainty of what to expect. Then the men should watch as an older woman, a grandmother, senses the fear of the younger woman and draws her into a casual conversation about wallpaper, then squeezes the younger woman’s hand as her name is called for “the test.”

Physically, mammograms are no big deal. They are uncomfortable and on occasion, a bit painful, but they can help detect the tiny beginnings of a monster.

Men should understand the importance of this annual ritual and that without the exams and early detection, many more of us would be lost. They should encourage and support their women to have the exams. Go with them and hold their purses and wait patiently in the family area for their return. Holding a purse for someone you love is much easier than saying “goodbye” forever.

**********************

(In memory of my beautiful friend Harriette.)

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Back Then and Now-A-Days

Back Then: Straw broom to clean sidewalk, street after mowing.
Now-A-Days: After filling gas tank, blow lawn clippings into street or neighbor’s yard (if they are not looking) with $124.99 Craftsman 200 mph 430 CFM Gas Blower/Vac.

Back then: Look up the word in Webster’s Dictionary (that’s a book).
Now-A-Days: Run spell checker. Who needs to learn to spaell?

Back Then: Brylcreem. (A little dabba do ya!)

Now-A-Days: After shaving face with lanolin enriched, age defying gel and shampooing hair with special root enhancer scalp stimulator and conditioning with silkening, thickening conditioner, and cleansing and moisturizing face, style hair with unscented enriching nourishing gel, finish with firm-hold hair spray.

Back Then: Clothes pin, paper clip, staple or rubber band to hold tight the potato chip bag after opening.
Now-A-Days: Plastic clip with “SNACK” printed on holding bar so the chips won’t be confused with toothpaste in case you couldn’t figure it out on your own.

Back Then: Stop at grocery to get wholesome dinner ingredients.
Now-A-Days: Stop at McDonalds.

Back Then: Whiten sheets by air-drying in sun.
Now-A-Days: Whiten sheets with detergent containing bleach, dry in clothes dryer with scented softener sheet for fresh-air smell.

Back Then: Whiten teeth with Pepsodent. You wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.

Now-A-Days: Super-whiten teeth with porcelain veneers or dental bonding, chair side bleaching that may include a bleaching agent, special light and lasers, or Pepsodent Whitening Anti-Cavity Toothpaste.

Back Then: Carry change for pay phone.
Now-A-Days: Get extra job to pay for cell phone.

Back Then: Prune juice.
Now-A-Days: Colonic irrigation

Back Then: Prunes
Now-A-Days: Dried Plums

Back Then: Hire neighbor kid to mow lawn.
Now-A-Days: Subscribe to weekly lawn care service to mow, trim, and edge.

Back Then: Send mail by United States post office.
Now-A-Days: Send e-mail.

Back Then: Women attended college to get MRS. degree.
Now-A-Days: Women attend college to get Ph.D. in biostatistics.

Back Then: Tweeze eyebrows.
Now-A-Days: Tweeze chin.

Back Then: Saddle shoes and penny loafers.
Now-A-Days: Flip-flops and Easy Spirit.

Back Then: One piece swimsuits.
Now-A-Days: Yikes!

Back Then: Sheets and pillow cases sold separately in twin and double sizes.
Now-A-Days: Assorted sizes of sheet sets include one flat, one fitted, and pillow cases. Bedding sets include sheets, pillow cases, comforter, pillow shams and dust ruffle.

Back Then: Drive-in movies.

Now-A-Days: Video rental stores or multiple-screen movie theatres.

Back Then: Clean kitchen floor using cotton mop, bucket of water, and Spic and Span; will eventually have to buy more Spick and Span.
Now-A-Days: Swiffer WetJet starter kit, will later need batteries, cleaning solution, and cleaning pad replacements.

Back Then: Freshen stale air in house by opening windows.
Now-A-Days: Sprays, solids, liquids, and candles available scented and unscented from dozens of manufacturers.

Back Then: Have ice delivered in blocks or make ice cubes in tiny refrigerator ice tray compartment.
Now-A-Days: Pick up ten pound bags of ice at convenience store.

Back Then: TV had no sound and was called radio.
Now-A-Days: Antenna, cable, satellite on giant screen, portable, battery operated, and hand held TVs.

Back Then: Bulky upright vacuum cleaner.
Now-A-Days: Roomba.

Back Then: Gossiping over the fence.
Now-A-Days: Blogging

© Copyright 2008 Suzzwords

Frayed Nerves and One Bent Shingle

by Susan Burnell

(Note from Suzzwords: My friend Susan Burnell, her husband, teenage son and two cats live in northwest Houston, where they "sheltered in place" safely during Hurricane Ike.

She is now involved with a fundraising effort by the local chapter of the International Association of Business Communicators to help injured and displaced employees of the historic restaurant, Brennan's of Houston, which suffered a devastating fire during the storm.

Susan is a free-lance professional writer (visit her website Imagination Ink) whose clients include Forbes, The Wall Street Journal and The Menninger Clinic. She also developed and maintains American Travel Sampler.

She is guest-blogging on Suzzwords today, sharing her experience before, during and after Hurricane Ike struck Texas on September 13, 2008.)

I survived Hurricane Ike. Our sturdy brick home weathered the storm beautifully. The worst part was eight and a half days without electricity in the Houston heat.

During the height of the storm, I dragged my yoga mat and a blanket, a 99-cent LED flashlight and a wind-up radio into the master bedroom closet and tried to sleep. The roar of the storm was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. The closet was the safest spot in the house and also the quietest. Between 2 and 3 a.m., when the wind was at its most ferocious, the power went out.

I thought I was pretty well prepared. Friends who’d been through hurricanes recommended freezing containers of water ahead of time and doing all the laundry. That was excellent advice. Those blocks of ice lasted a long time. Having clean clothes to change into helped make me feel human.

There are a few things that don’t always get mentioned in the hurricane preparedness guides. These came in especially handy for me after Ike’s strike:

Hair scrunchies – without a hair dryer, I gathered my wet hair into a style reminiscent of the “I Dream of Jeannie” look. So very fashion-forward.

Battery operated votive candles – perfect as night lights, safer than burning candles. They have an on-off switch. Keep away from small children, the batteries are tiny.

Portable power inverter – this hooks up to your car battery. Until we were able to acquire a generator on Day 6, it powered the laptop and 5-inch TV.

Chocolate – I attribute a large portion of my sanity to this essential supply.

Mobile broadband – this supplied the remainder of my sanity when DSL went out. About $2 a day with a two year contract, but I would have paid more, just to get online news, weather and email.

Farmland Lil’ Milk – small containers of milk that don’t need refrigeration. Great in coffee. A decent substitute when you need cream for your Kahlua.

Zip-loc bags – all sizes. Great for storing items in the cooler so they don’t get soggy. Also good for dividing ice from large store-bought ice bags to fit into coolers. And if you’ve never had a heaping helping of pasta salad and a couple of boiled eggs out of a baggie, you really can’t call yourself a camper.

Hurricane cookies – I adapted an oatmeal cookie recipe and made several big batches before the storm. Took some to each family in the cul-de-sac ahead of time, exchanged phone numbers and promised to watch one another’s roofs. That little bit of neighborliness came back to us in wonderful ways. One neighbor with a generator kept us supplied with ice. Another let us know about the bent shingle, which he could see from his second-story window.

An online community – or several, if you are lucky. When phones didn’t work, emails from friends, family, colleagues and customers were a precious connection to the outside world.

P.S. Here's the cookie recipe.

Crispy Oatmeal Cookies aka Hurricane Cookies

Ingredients

1/2 cup (1 stick) margarine or butter, softened
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup oatmeal
1 cup Rice Krispies
1 cup Craisins (cranberry or orange flavor)

Directions

Set oven to 350
Blend margarine and sugars with mixer on low speed.
Add egg and vanilla, mix well.
Add flour and baking soda, mix until smooth.
Stir in oats, Rice Krispies and Craisins.
Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls on greased cookie sheet

Bake for 12 minutes or until brown.
Cool and store in an airtight container.

Bugs in Light Fixtures

With all the amazing discoveries and advances in science, you would think someone would figure out why bugs crawl into light fixtures. Why don’t they just crawl back out? Do they have some sort of death wish or it is elder bug tradition to be slowly toasted to dust rather than be a burden on their families?

What is really intriguing is how they get into closed light fixtures; you know, the ones with the globes or covers that fit into holders and have to be tightened down. Do they transform into slivers of themselves, able to collapse their outer shells in order to fit between the fixture and holder. Do child bugs have to attend special classes to learn this skill?

Here in Florida we have a variety of light-seeking bugs, so you never know what you will find in a light fixture. Unfortunately, by the time you finally take the fixture down to change the bulb, what ever the bug was, it no longer is. Are bug remains flammable?

Now that the longer-lasting compact fluorescent lamps have come on the market, does that mean by that by the time we change bulbs any remnants of bug life will have long desiccated into powder? Humm, wonder if bug powder can be turned into an energy source, sort of like cow chips? I can see it now, huge factories toasting bugs to supply the fuel needs of tiny autos powered by bug powder. Then there would be bug bounty hunters on the prowl for bigger bugs to supply our never-ending quest for cheap alternative fuel.

Maybe the solution to bug-filled light fixtures would be trap doors in the fixture to dump the bugs out. You know, kind of like changing the batteries in the smoke alarms once a quarter – change batteries, dump bugs.

Whew, I’m glad we solved THAT problem.

© Copyright 2008 Suzzwords