Thursday, January 19, 2006


We older folks remember the good times … you know, when it was possible to open store-bought products WITHOUT the use of scissors, pliers, screwdrivers, crowbars, jackhammers or chainsaws.

After the product package was opened, the stuff was just there. We didn’t have to scrape, peel, slice, dice or poke our way through “inner” packaging, seals or a bale of cotton. When we opened a food product – in the good old days – the outer and only wrapper was destroyed so, in most cases, we had to transfer the food to a specially made plastic container. There was a plastic container for every food product known to man such as eggs, cheese, cold cuts, lettuce, pie slices, butter, bread, square leftovers, and round leftovers. There was even a container to hold all the containers!

Women went to parties to buy more containers because Walmart had not erected supercenters with two aisles of plastic containers. Young mothers had to decide between burping their newborns or burping the plastic container.

Now the “container” comes with the product as part of the packaging. Very handy, indeed. The only problem is getting the package open. Before you can get to the “press to seal” closure, you have to first “tear here.” Hahahaha. (See first paragraph.) I have learned to just get out the hedge shears and cut the whole top off THOSE packages. Cheese is double wrapped and there is no challenge in separating the slices or flimsy excuses to slap on double cheese.

There is no over-the-counter container of pain reliever made to open without a screwdriver and blowtorch. “Press and Turn.” Who came up with silly phrase? “Grasp With Giant Pliers and Beat With Hammer” is more like it. Then the instructions should follow with, “Get On Hands and Knees and Look for Tablets.”

If you go to the pharmacist and ask politely in a low voice for a “snap cap,” sometimes you can get those original pill bottle tops for your prescriptions. Sometimes flashing a twenty gets you a handful. Sometimes flashing anything else can get you arrested.

Dinner is in three hours and if I start now I can shear, rip, tear, mutilate and annihilate enough packages to get a decent meal on the table. I’d take an aspirin to relieve my headache, but I don’t have time to get the bottle open!

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords


  1. Anonymous10:40 PM

    My back is broken from laughing. You need to be "caged." The older you get, the more you crank out the TRUTH. Guess who wrote this?????

  2. Sue Too6:25 PM

    Oh, so very true! So why don't the people creating the packaging understand these things? It always amused me how prenatal vitamins given to expectant first-time moms came with childproof caps! Also why is it that nail grooming products always come in packaging that rips your nails to shreds when you try to open them? Don't hurt yourself fixing dinner and if all else fails, order pizza. Last time I checked it was still easy to open a pizza box with he flick of a finger!