Explanation Needed

A dear friend recently gave me a trio of bath products containing “botanicals” that include aloe and papaya. The three products also include Red 33 and Yellow 5. I’m guessing that these are dyes and wondering if artificial colors cancel out botanicals or if they are real chummy and get along just fine in the same plastic bottle.

I’m not quite sure which parts of the body the “body spray” is meant for and which parts I should actually spray – just parts like elbows, knees and navel – or go for it and spray toes, backs of knees and ear lobes. The directions clearly state, “Avoid contact with eyes,” “For external use only,” and “Caution: For adult use only.” Okay, no gargling this stuff and or using it for eye drops; I could have figured that out. I’m not clear on the “adults only” and what the effect would be if the body spray were sprayed on a nine-year-old. Would the child suddenly shrink into a one-year-old or explode into an adult, thus missing the difficult teen years?

The body lotion directions are pretty clear telling me to apply all over my body (takes care of the elbow, knees and navel question) to soften my delicate skin and to use it right after bath or shower. What the label leaves out is if should I spray, then moisturize, the other way around, or wait four hours after spraying for any chapping to occur, then nip it right away by slapping on the lotion.

Now here’s the one that has me stumped – the “exfoliating body scrub.” I tried it and really like the results. It has little grainy things that help remove disgusting dry skin and leaves what skin is left nice and soft and smooth (very important if you are already wrinkly and flakey). It’s the name that bothers me, especially the “exfoliating” word.

Is there any link from “exfoliating” to other similar words? If an American who lives in Mexico was tossed out of his church and uses this product, is he an exfoliated, excommunicated expatriate? Can that be shortened to “exfol excom expat?” Just how many “exes” can a person have?

What about the University of Exeter in Britain? When a student graduates, do they get an exegree.? Then there’s FedEx. Think about that one for a while. Are they for or against the government?

This could go on forever. Please EXcuse me but I’m beginning to sense a bit of flaking on my arms so I’ll make a quick EXit to go apply body lotion with the paint roller I found in the garage. Hope you have an EXciting day!