Mismatched

Ladies First …

Act 1

Scene One: A terrific sale on shoes, so you pick up those black pumps you’ve been needing and, what the heck, get the same style in navy, too. Ooh, and what a great price on fisherman’s sandals, just plop the navy pair in your basket. Oops, red is sold out in your size, but at this price, go ahead and get them in black.

Scene Two: You are late for a meeting. You are dressed and ready to go. Just have to slip on those new navy pumps. Don’t need to turn on the light. Your shoes are paired up. Grab and go.

Scene Three: On the way out of the restroom to the meeting you check your outfit – perfect. You check your hair and makeup – perfect. You check your shoes – yikes! How did that THAT happen!

Scene Four: Back home again, you rematch your pumps and put the black pair in the hall closet! While you are at it, the black sandals go in the hall closet, too!

Act 2

Scene One: Which pair of earrings should you wear with this outfit; the studs or the J-hoops? Silver or gold? These hoops would look good, no wait, maybe these studs. You put a hoop in your right ear and a stud in your left. The phone rings, the dog wants out and there is a strange noise coming from the refrigerator. You answer the phone, let the dog back in and the noise was just the ice maker defrosting. Off you go!

Scene Two: You make a note to self to ALWAYS check your earrings before leaving the house and never have lunch with those teasing women again.

Finale

You find a darling pair of light beige slacks that fit perfect, are light-weight and just right for summer. Then you find the perfect top that hides those few, only a few, extra pounds on your hips and butt. It covers all the faults. A few days later you have to run to the grocery so you jump into those perfect slacks and fault-hiding top and slip into your navy sandals. You grab your cup to finish off the coffee and – splash, it speckles the front of your perfect top. In almost one motion, you strip off the top, grab another from the closet and you are out the door. As you approach the store, you notice that the young man retrieving the carts has turned around to look at you. In the store, you notice several more people looking your way, some smiling. It must be this great outfit. After you get home, you check yourself out in the hall mirror and realize that (1) your top only comes to just below your waist, (2) your light-weight slacks are slightly opaque and (3) you have on red underwear!

Now the men …

Act 1

The occasion requires a suit and tie, but which tie? This brown and yellow one will go okay with the blue suit, no one will notice anyway.

Act 2

Now for shoes. Well, the Nikes are definitely out. The black ones need to be polished. These tan loafers will look okay. Do you really need socks? Guess so. These will do.

Finale

You have no idea why the ladies looked at you so strangely or understood why the teen with the tattoos, pierced eyelid and green spiked hair gave you a “thumbs up.”

One man’s solution to the male matching dilemma …

The artist husband of one of my best friends has solved the problem of mismatched shoes and socks: black shoes, black socks. No compromise. Black shoes, black socks with everything. Nearly drives her nuts. In the early years of their marriage, she bought him socks of different colors. Had to take them back and get black socks. Tan slacks? Black shoes, black socks. Denim cutoffs? Ditto. Blue suit? Yep. Now if she could only get him to wear a black tuxedo year round he would never, ever again be mismatched!

P.S. You gotta admire a rebel in this era of regimentation.

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