Monday, April 21, 2008

Fat Bubble

Men won’t understand this. Women who have been as much as six ounces overweight will understand the meaning of “fat bubble.” I think fat bubbles have been around a long time, but really began to be recognized with the wide-spread use of pantyhose.

Any woman who has ever worn a pair of pantyhose and snagged them, knows what that blob of flesh is peeking out of the hole. Yup, it’s a fat bubble and depending on your scale-tipping measurements in relation to the hole, it could be just a simple little bulge or a whopping protuberance.

The most annoying kind of fat bubble is when your pantyhose tear over a toe and soon one little pinkie begins to swell up like a fine handmade sausage in a hot skillet. Then, when you rip off the hose three hours later, you scream in pain as the blood returns to the pale and shrieking toe.

About the time pantyhose became popular, colored ink markers made their appearance. When black pantyhose were all the rage to match slinky little black dresses, many women were known to repair runs and fat bubbles by swabbing the glaring mishap (A.K.A. skin) with a handy marking pen. They also got a quick high from the marker ink. Too bad marker manufacturers caught on to the alluring scent of the ink; we fat bubble victims had a good thing going.

One of my friends once repaired her white pantyhose (all the rage during the “cute little print dresses” period) with a good old office standby. Oh, come on, you all know about White Out. Unfortunately, the White Out kind of glued the hose to her leg and she reported the next day that she had to cut the fabric away and scrub her leg to remove the last vestiges of the correction fluid.

So there you have it, the scandalous repair deception behind unsightly fat bubbles. See, I told you men would not understand this. Uh, well, at least the men who do not wear pantyhose, but let’s leave that subject for another day.

© Copyright 2008 Suzzwords

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Remember This?

If you can remember this and actually used Air Mail, you are sooooooo "mature."

Moral: Clean out closets more often.

© Copyright text and photo 2008 Suzzwords