Monday, April 21, 2008

Fat Bubble

Men won’t understand this. Women who have been as much as six ounces overweight will understand the meaning of “fat bubble.” I think fat bubbles have been around a long time, but really began to be recognized with the wide-spread use of pantyhose.

Any woman who has ever worn a pair of pantyhose and snagged them, knows what that blob of flesh is peeking out of the hole. Yup, it’s a fat bubble and depending on your scale-tipping measurements in relation to the hole, it could be just a simple little bulge or a whopping protuberance.

The most annoying kind of fat bubble is when your pantyhose tear over a toe and soon one little pinkie begins to swell up like a fine handmade sausage in a hot skillet. Then, when you rip off the hose three hours later, you scream in pain as the blood returns to the pale and shrieking toe.

About the time pantyhose became popular, colored ink markers made their appearance. When black pantyhose were all the rage to match slinky little black dresses, many women were known to repair runs and fat bubbles by swabbing the glaring mishap (A.K.A. skin) with a handy marking pen. They also got a quick high from the marker ink. Too bad marker manufacturers caught on to the alluring scent of the ink; we fat bubble victims had a good thing going.

One of my friends once repaired her white pantyhose (all the rage during the “cute little print dresses” period) with a good old office standby. Oh, come on, you all know about White Out. Unfortunately, the White Out kind of glued the hose to her leg and she reported the next day that she had to cut the fabric away and scrub her leg to remove the last vestiges of the correction fluid.

So there you have it, the scandalous repair deception behind unsightly fat bubbles. See, I told you men would not understand this. Uh, well, at least the men who do not wear pantyhose, but let’s leave that subject for another day.


© Copyright 2008 Suzzwords

9 comments:

  1. So that is what you call it sticking out of my snagged pantyhose, er, never mind.

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  2. LoveM2:07 PM

    Yep, women know exactly what you are talking about and have a vivid mental image every fat bubble they have had. I am so glad you named the phenomenon for me.

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  3. I was telling one of my daughters the other day that when I was in high school, we weren't allowed to wear slacks (nevermind jeans) until I was a junior when the dress code changed. Senior year the powers that be finally relented to allow denim.

    So, that meant a lot of dress wearing. We (my peers and myself) always, always wore pantyhose. We even perfected the double-up method: cut the bad leg out of two half-ruined pairs and wear both for two good legs!

    When we got a run or a snag, clear fingernail polish was the trick. And oh yeah, it stuck to your skin very well, which was often quite painful when the run was high up on the inner thigh.

    The daughter was appalled - you wore panty hose EVERY DANG DAY?

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  4. I wore stockings and a girdle or garter belt in high school -- pantyhose weren't de riguer yet and pants were not allowed. Yikes!!!! Same deal in college except for a few liberal profs. I've spent most of my working life in dresses, heels and pantyhose. My current job is the first I've had where I usually wear jeans as my boss prefers it.

    I wish I had a buck for every pair of pantyhose/stockings I've had with runs. I could come visit you, Suzz!!!! LOL

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  5. Yeah, remember those days of girdles, garter belts, hose with seams, finally hose without seams, then the progress(?) to panty hose -- hated them.

    No slacks or jeans for school or college. We could wear shorts on Sats. if we were going to play tennis. College years were those terrible heavily starched crinolin slips worn under full skirts that flounced up over your head when you sat down.

    I was a jeans wearer after school starting when in grade school.
    Thought even then it was so unfair to have to play in a skirt, 'cause you had to keep it from flying up so you didn't show your "unmentionables" (under clothes.)

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  6. I remember clear fingernail polish for pantyhose runs....and I don't remember wearning jeans to high school much....lots of skirt and sweater sets. I don't know how we did athletic stuff other than gym, but we managed somehow. Wow, this really brought back some memories Susan....

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  7. Ah yes - I remember panty hose - I also remember NOT taking a job at a ballroom dance studio in southern California because I was told I had to wear them!

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  8. A. Bo Nan Knee11:06 PM

    Thanks for the giggles.
    xoxo
    Bubbles

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  9. Anonymous8:05 PM

    This is bull. come on! have to cut the panty hose away from the white out. hahaha! who's leg you pulling, that aint possible!

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