Sunday, August 05, 2007


Have you ever been in a crowded grocery checkout line and one person’s cell phone “rings” and fifteen people dig for their own phones, even though the chances are good that their ringtone is not the same?

Have you ever wished for a magic wand to wave and mutter “cellphoneusringossameos” (Why, yes, I am a Harry Potter fan. Why do you ask?) to change all the ringtones in the surrounding area to one tune? Can you just imagine all those people scrambling for their phones, looking at the Caller I.D, then slapping the device against their free hand as they try to figure out what went wrong? Can you also imagine what the sound would be like if all those phones chirped out “I Like to Move It” from the movie Madagascar or the sequence of cannon fire from the 1812 Overture?

Have you ever wondered why the people who get the most calls have the most difficult time finding their cell phones? You’ve seen them – women digging in the bottom of large purses or men patting jackets and back pockets. Then there are the people with their phones clipped to belts or onto, not in, purses. They are usually the ones who don’t get many calls.

How about the loud talkers? Don’t you just love ‘em? Want to have some fun? Make a call or pretend to make a call, get up beside the loud talker, then shout into your phone that you can’t hear, that someone is shouting into your other ear. Be prepared to run, just in case.

A loud talker with an ear phone can be quite interesting. They can also give really dirty looks if you try to get into their conversation or interrupt to ask directions. Have a good exit plan just in case they don’t appreciate your interest.

When was the last time you left your house and realized you forgot your cell phone? Kind of like being naked in public isn’t it? Thoughts race through you head. Where did I leave it? What if I get a call? What if I need to make a call? What if I really am naked on this street corner? What if that guy next to me has one of those camera phones?

What about the people who don’t have cell phones? They function quite nicely. They seem to be much calmer and are much safer drivers. No ringtones to anguish over, no worry about battery life, no dropped calls or dead zones to explain. Ah, the good life.

Then there are . . .

Oh, wait, is that my ... yes, yes, I have to get that. I know it’s here. I can hear the cannons firing.

© Copyright 2007 Suzzwords


  1. Too funny! My new cell phone had many ringtones and songs to choose from, and it now plays a jazzy version of the Wedding March. I figured that was apropos, since I am a wedding florist. I doubt too many others have that tone, except for brides....LOL

  2. lol I love ringtones! I have a couple different ones so I can tell who's calling -- it saves answering if I have my hands full.

    I finally reached a point in my life where a ringing telephone no longer signifies that I MUST answer it. Does this mean I'm a grown up or that I just don't give a damn?

  3. Hi Suzz, I nearly fit the "don't have a cell-phone" group... I do have one but I only ever turn it on OR carry it if I'm traveling, the few people who have my number know this so it all works fine.

  4. BTW, I opted for a ring.... you know.... like a phone.

  5. I decided that I just wanted a simple "Ring Ring" on my cell since I can hear that one best.

    I hardly ever use mine anyway. Mainly just for calls I must make or emergencies.

  6. I lived a perfectly fine life away from the ringtones of a cellphone...thank you. My oldest daughter thought I needed one...that it would be helpful; so she gave me one a couple of years ago for my birthday. Well to be honest...she gave me her old phone while she bought herself a new one. It made no matter to me, and her intentions were good. It had already been an established fact on what I thought of particular, people driving while talking on them. I'M NOT FOND OF IT! I HATE IT! I DESPISE IT!....all of the above. I tell my kids all the time that I don't want them talking on cellphones while they're driving....if they can help it....and that if they have to call me from their better not be moving. I think I've gotten my point across.

    The other irritations you mention about cellphones definitely are irksome little extras; but I can live through them. But when you're behind a "moving weapon" and you're on the phone and not focusing on what you're doing...or who you may be hitting....that's an entirely different matter.

    Rant Over...thank you very much Susan.

  7. p. mona8:31 AM

    Glad to hear Joy shares my view of cellphones. She said it all.

  8. Do I dare admit I don't have a cellphone? If I had one, I would likely turn it off much of the time. Perhaps if I had family out here, I might feel differently, or some special real need -- someone with health needs. Other than that, the only time I think about getting one is if I'm going to be taking a trip, going on a L.A. freeway.

  9. I am going to try "cellphoneusringossameos" ... I bet it will work for me! ;)