Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Too Thin

Aahh, the magic words, “Well, if you ask me, she’s way too thin!”

I’ve never heard those words. It seems from the time I was born, I’ve been on a diet. Nowadays, I just blame these hips on heredity. As if I don’t already have enough to think about (calories, carbs, good fats, bad fats), now I have to keep an eye on my cell phone.

I just watched a commercial about the latest THIN cell phone! Super thin. All but fits in your wallet. Oh, just great. Not only am I walking around with fashion-unacceptable hips, my cell phone is too fat! Now what do I do? Get it a new cover in slimming black? Or should I go for vertical stripes? Do I have to give up making calls from the mall because it will be embarrassed and feel unattractive if others are using “slim” phones?

Is there a weight-watchers program for cell phones or is it just doomed to obsolescence, only to be cast aside for the tiny little skinny model? And what if the battery has to be replaced? If it, too, is super slim and accidentally slips out of the package and lands sideways, will it become invisible? Is it safe to plop a super-slim phone on an outdoor table during a windy day?

One manufacturer has a flip phone that not only is “slim,” but includes voice, data, multimedia and Bluetooth, and is about the width of a credit card. Okay. I understand “voice” and credit card (“Yes, put that on my credit card.”), but I have no clue what the other features are. I like it that way. I don’t want to know what the other stuff is or what it does; my life is complicated enough already.

I’m keeping my fat phone (I hope I haven’t offended any phones out there.) until some company comes out with a wrist model. Then I’ll change my name to Dixie Tracy and go in pursuit of dastardly villains. If you don’t understand that last line, then you are way too young to be reading this. Until then, I’ll just forego all the snappy features of the new phones and continue to try to figure out how to retrieve voice messages on good ol’ chubby.

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords


  1. Your blog is too funny, and yet oh so true. We just purchased the thinnest phone known to man and we are, for some reason, proud of that. I, Mr. Ben Thair, am not a very thin man...could I be trying to make up for something?

  2. Suzz.. If a cell phone is too thin then I couldn't see the numbers .

    Why don't we all just have a cell phone permanently installed in a filling in one of our teeth.

    Or---Do you remember "Get Smart" with Maxwell Smart and his "shoe phone" ??

    I swear this is a true story. When we lived in Chattanooga Tenn. many years ago on Signal Mountain (residential area) a woman down the street kept hassling the local radio station. She claimed she kept picking up their station through the fillings in her teeth.
    Too funny, but who knows??? "_

  3. p. mona8:44 AM

    I'm getting out of focus again. I just accomplished how to see how many minutes I use a month, ( after three years as a cell phone carrier). TOOOOO much information about thin phones. I'm just now going to put that clutter in my weary mind.

  4. I'm back again already....

    Couldn't pass up passing a long a little information based on your opening statement about having to watch those hips through the years. Well, the latest camera technology is making headway on that also. Check out this new digital camera by Hewlett Packard that will take inches off those hips. :) :)


  5. Your blogs improve with age, just as you do, mah deah! Keep the funny stuff coming! You make our days!

  6. Anonymous10:31 AM

    In total agreement.

    Fat thighs

  7. Imagine how a 1986 circa, cell-phone-in-a-bag would make "walking around with fashion-unacceptable hips" look. Gads! Thank goodness for thin cell phones, a metaphor for an overweight America.

  8. Anonymous1:04 PM

    love it -- keep on blogging