Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Revenge of the Small Cars



Do you drive a small car? You know, the kind tall people have to fold into and short people love for the head room? Have you felt intimidated by the big, really big, luxury sedans, monster pickups, SUVs, and vans that come stalking up behind you on the expressway? Have you seen the smirky looks on the driver’s faces as they loom over you when passing?

Hahahahahaha, you big car drivers!

Who's laughing now? Instead of bragging about flip-down DVD players, fifteen cup holders, and fold-down seats to make an area large enough to transport a small elephant (not that anyone would want to), we small car drivers are filling up with regular gas and laughing all the way down the highway on our twenty-five plus M.P.G.

You probably bought your small car because it was what you could afford, lusting instead for a nice big roomy Ford Expedition or Cadillac Escalade. As of this writing, Motor Trend says the 2009 Escalade 2WD is priced at $55,640 to $60,610.

The Department of Energy’s report on that model Escalade, says it costs about $7.75 to go twenty-five miles! With a twenty-six gallon fuel tank, that’s over a hundred bucks to fill up with Premium (that’s P-R-E-M-I-U-M).

Lust not, small car drivers!

Can’t you just see us now toodling down the highway in our "economy cars?" We approach a big, fat, expensive monster going below the speed limit to conserve gas, we zip ahead in the passing lane, smirking and feeling superior for a change.

At the count of three us Honda, Toyota, Scion, Mazda, Hyundai, VW, and the other small car drivers, all together now, One, Two, Three: Hahahahahaha!!!!

P.S. If you are driving an alternate-fuel vehicle, laugh twice.

© Copyright 2008 Suzzwords

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Don’t Read This

You have probably seen at least one confidentially notice at the bottom of a forwarded email. If the contents of the email is especially funny or political (is there a difference?), the email may have been forwarded so many times that it picked up several notices.

Notices are apparently added automatically so the sender never sees what their company, organization or government has tagged to the bottom of the joke or cartoon they are sending to friends.

Few recipients go all the way to the bottom of their emails and read the notices; they either hit “delete” or “forward,” then go back to the real world. So for all those confidentially notices you missed, here’s a selection I’ve gathered over the past few months.

Names, places and other identifying information has been deleted to protect the innocent. These are real. Really.

“The information contained in this message may be privileged and confidential and protected from disclosure. If you are not the intended recipient of this message, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution, or copying of this communication is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by replying to the message, and please delete it from your computer.”
Comment: Apparently the message lost its disclosure protection.

“This e-mail may contain confidential or privileged information. This e-mail, including any attachments, is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s). Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please notify the sender by reply e-mail, then delete it from your system without copying it. Thank you.”
Comment: Delete the sender or the email? You are welcome.

“(Name of Company) Circular 230 Notice: To ensure compliance with IRS requirements, we inform you that any U.S. federal tax advice contained in this communication is not intended or written to be used, and cannot be used by any taxpayer, for the purpose of avoiding any federal tax penalties. Any legal advice expressed in this message is being delivered to you solely for your use in connection with the matters addressed herein and may not be relied upon by any other person or entity or used for any other purpose without our prior written consent.”
Comment: What the hell does this mean?

“Confidentiality Notice from (Name of Company):The information contained in this e-mail and any attachments may be legally privileged and confidential. If you are not an intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail and any attachments is strictly prohibited. If you received this e-mail in error, please notify the sender and permanently delete the e-mail and any attachments immediately. You should not retain, copy or use this e-mail or any attachment for any purpose, nor disclose all or any part of the contents to any other person. Thank you.”
Comment Sounds like the author copied four other notices.

“(Name of Company) and its related entities reserve the right to monitor all e-mail communications through their networks.”
Comment: Guess the company let this one slip through all those network monitors.

“CAUTION: electronic mail sent through the Internet is not secure and could be intercepted by a third party. For your protection, avoid sending identifying information such as account, Social Security, or card numbers to us or others. Further, do not send time-sensitive, action-oriented messages such as transaction orders, fund transfer instructions or check stop payments, as it is our policy not to accept such items electronically.”
Comment: Caution noted. But it’s okay to send jokes?

“This message w/attachments (message) may be privileged, confidential or proprietary, and if you are not an intended recipient, please notify the sender, do not use or share it and delete it. Unless specifically indicated, this message is not an offer to sell or a solicitation of any investment products or other financial product or service, an official confirmation of any transaction, or an official statement of (Name of Company). Subject to applicable law, (Name of Company) may monitor, review and retain e-communications (EC) traveling through its networks/systems. The laws of the country of each sender/recipient may impact the handling of EC, and EC may be archived, supervised and produced in countries other than the country in which you are located. This message cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free. This message is subject to terms available at the following link: (link removed). By messaging with (Name of Company) you consent to the foregoing.”
Comment: Why bother sending an EC? Who writes this stuff?

“This electronic mail may contain information that is privileged, proprietary and confidential and/or exempt from disclosure under applicable law. This transmission is intended solely for the individual or entity designated above. If you are not the intended recipient, you should understand that any distribution, copying, or use of the information contained in this transmission by anyone other than the intended recipient is unauthorized and strictly prohibited. If you have received this electronic mail in error, please immediately notify the sender and destroy all copies which you may have of this communication.”
Comment: Oops, wonder if the 120 individuals or entities above who got the cartoon were “designated.”

“STATEMENT OF CONFIDENTIALITY This e-mail message, including any attachments, is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may include privileged or otherwise confidential information. Any unauthorized review, forwarding, printing, copying, use, disclosure or distribution is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful. If you received this message in error, or have reason to believe you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original message.”
Comment: I believe, I believe. After five forwards to dozens of people, this had to have undergone unauthorized review.

“DISCLAIMER:
This electronic transmission (and any attachments thereto) is intended solely for the use of the addressee(s). It may contain confidential or legally privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient of this message, you must delete it immediately and notify the sender. Any unauthorized use or disclosure of this message is strictly prohibited. (Name of Company) does not guarantee the integrity of this transmission and shall therefore never be liable if the message is altered or falsified nor for any virus, interception or damage to your system.”
Comment: Hold on here, if you delete the message immediately, then notify the sender, how do you know who to notify? And don’t blame them for any virus, either because they said they will never be liable. Ever. So there.

“This message and any attachments are intended only for the use of the addressee and may contain information that is privileged and confidential. If the reader of the message is not the intended recipient or an authorized representative of the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination of this communication is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, notify the sender immediately by return email and delete the message and any attachments from your system.”
Comment: Oh, okay, this one explains it better. Glad I was hereby notified.

“***** CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE *****
This email may contain (Name of Company) trade secrets and/or proprietary information. This email is intended to be reviewed only by the individual or organization named above. If you are not the intended recipient or an authorized representative of the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any review, dissemination or copying of this email and its attachments, if any, or the information contained herein is prohibited. If you have received this email in error, please immediately notify the sender by return email and delete this email and attachments, if any, from your system.
***** CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE *****”

Comment: Oooh. These people are serious … wonder what the trade secrets are.

“Under (State name deleted) law, e-mail addresses are public records. If you do not want your e-mail address released in response to a public records request, do not send electronic mail to this entity. Instead, contact this office by phone or in writing.”
Comment: Just call, that entity will give you all the email addresses.

“CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This message is intended for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed and may contain information that is privileged, confidential and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient or the employee or agent responsible for delivering this message to the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this communication is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by email reply.”
Comment: Bet a lawyer wrote this one.

“This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify the system manager. This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses. This message is for the designated recipient only and may contain privileged, proprietary or otherwise private information. If you have received it in error, please notify the sender immediately and delete the original. Any other use of the email by you is prohibited.

Dansk - Deutsch - Espanol - Francais - Italiano - Japanese - Nederlands - Norsk - Portuguese - Svenska: (Email address deleted.)"

Comment: Wow … eleven languages and virus free, too. But wait, how do you know who has the original … the sender or the 240 people who received the joke?

“Unless notified to the contrary by the sender, the recipient should consider the contents of this message including any attachments to be confidential. If you are not the intended recipient and have received this message in error, please contact (Company name deleted) immediately by sending an email to (Email address deleted) and then delete this message from your system. Saving, copying or disseminating an inadvertently received email could violate state and Federal privacy laws. All emails received by or sent from (Company name deleted) may be provided to regulators or law enforcement agencies, or used for other purposes consistent with (Company name deleted) business interests. Thank you for your cooperation.” Comment: Too late, this thing was disseminated to hundreds of people. Hope it didn’t affect your business interests. You are welcome.

“Public Records Law Disclosure
This e-mail is a public record of the City of (Name of City Deleted) and is subject to public disclosure unless exempt from disclosure under (State name deleted) Public Records Law. This email is subject to the State Retention Schedule.”

Comment: Why government employees should not send jokes by government email. Thank goodness it’s the email and not the employee who could be retained forever.

The end.

© Copyright 2008 Suzzwords

Monday, July 14, 2008

Good Bye, Sweet Olive


Olive Riley, the world’s oldest blogger, passed away Saturday, July 12, at the age of 108.

Her blog – or blob – as she called it, was read by thousands around the world. From her first post in February 2007, Olive documented life events and sang happy songs that gave many of her readers historical insights into what it was like to grow up in Broken Hill, Australia.

Olive Riley was an amazing woman who made a profound impact on the elder blogging community as well as her non-blogging readers.

We will miss you and remember you, Olive, and pray your inspirational spirit will sing happy songs in Heaven.

http://www.allaboutolive.com.au/

http://www.nola.com/newsflash/index.ssf?/base/international-1/1216040942169430.xml&storylist=international


http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/07/14/2303077.htm?section=justin

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/australia/2300357/World

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Happy Birthday America



Mother Nature put on her own spectacular display in celebration of our Nation's birthday.

History of Independence Day from the History Channel

© Copyright text and photo 2008 Suzzwords