Suzzwords: Back Then and Now-A-Days

Back Then: Straw broom to clean sidewalk, street after mowing.
Now-A-Days: After filling gas tank, blow lawn clippings into street or neighbor’s yard (if they are not looking) with $124.99 Craftsman 200 mph 430 CFM Gas Blower/Vac.

Back then: Look up the word in Webster’s Dictionary (that’s a book).
Now-A-Days: Run spell checker. Who needs to learn to spaell?

Back Then: Brylcreem. (A little dabba do ya!)

Now-A-Days: After shaving face with lanolin enriched, age defying gel and shampooing hair with special root enhancer scalp stimulator and conditioning with silkening, thickening conditioner, and cleansing and moisturizing face, style hair with unscented enriching nourishing gel, finish with firm-hold hair spray.

Back Then: Clothes pin, paper clip, staple or rubber band to hold tight the potato chip bag after opening.
Now-A-Days: Plastic clip with “SNACK” printed on holding bar so the chips won’t be confused with toothpaste in case you couldn’t figure it out on your own.

Back Then: Stop at grocery to get wholesome dinner ingredients.
Now-A-Days: Stop at McDonalds.

Back Then: Whiten sheets by air-drying in sun.
Now-A-Days: Whiten sheets with detergent containing bleach, dry in clothes dryer with scented softener sheet for fresh-air smell.

Back Then: Whiten teeth with Pepsodent. You wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.

Now-A-Days: Super-whiten teeth with porcelain veneers or dental bonding, chair side bleaching that may include a bleaching agent, special light and lasers, or Pepsodent Whitening Anti-Cavity Toothpaste.

Back Then: Carry change for pay phone.

Now-A-Days: Get extra job to pay for cell phone.

Back Then: Prune juice.
Now-A-Days: Colonic irrigation

Back Then: Prunes
Now-A-Days: Dried Plums

Back Then: Hire neighbor kid to mow lawn.
Now-A-Days: Subscribe to weekly lawn care service to mow, trim, and edge.

Back Then: Send mail by United States post office.
Now-A-Days: Send e-mail.

Back Then: Women attended college to get MRS. degree.
Now-A-Days: Women attend college to get Ph.D. in biostatistics.

Back Then: Tweeze eyebrows.
Now-A-Days: Tweeze chin.

Back Then: Saddle shoes and penny loafers.
Now-A-Days: Flip-flops and Easy Spirit.

Back Then: One piece swimsuits.
Now-A-Days: Yikes!

Back Then: Sheets and pillow cases sold separately in twin and double sizes.
Now-A-Days: Assorted sizes of sheet sets include one flat, one fitted, and pillow cases. Bedding sets include sheets, pillow cases, comforter, pillow shams and dust ruffle.

Back Then: Drive-in movies.

Now-A-Days: Video rental stores or multiple-screen movie theatres.

Back Then: Clean kitchen floor using cotton mop, bucket of water, and Spic and Span; will eventually have to buy more Spick and Span.
Now-A-Days: Swiffer WetJet starter kit, will later need batteries, cleaning solution, and cleaning pad replacements.

Back Then: Freshen stale air in house by opening windows.
Now-A-Days: Sprays, solids, liquids, and candles available scented and unscented from dozens of manufacturers.

Back Then: Have ice delivered in blocks or make ice cubes in tiny refrigerator ice tray compartment.
Now-A-Days: Pick up ten pound bags of ice at convenience store.

Back Then: TV had no sound and was called radio.
Now-A-Days: Antenna, cable, satellite on giant screen, portable, battery operated, and hand held TVs.