Going “Green” My Way

I’ve come up with a wonderful way that I can contribute to health and safety of the environment this spring and summer growing season. I’m going to let my small yard “go back to nature.” I’m going “green.”

The neighbors might not be too keen on this idea, so I will just have to remind them of my quest for cleaner air, soil, and water.

Here’s the plan.

I’ll prevent toxic emissions from my gas-powered lawn mower from polluting the air, as well as extend the non-sustainable fuel supply. (I’ll quit mowing the grass.)

By eliminating the use of electric hedge clippers and electric grass edger, I’ll lower my consumption of electricity supplied by a coal-powered electric generating station. ( No clipee, no trimee.)

As the native plants (weeds) and trees (big weeds) take over, choking out all the flora and fauna I’ve planted over the years (no weeding), the rain water will be better filtered into the already diminishing FloridaAquifer. (Sounds like a darn good plan to me!)

To further preserve our precious water supply, I won’t water during the hot, dry summer months, further doing my part to conserve water. (This act alone should ease my guilt pangs over letting the faucet trickle while teeth brushing.)

I will forego all use of herbicides and pesticides in the yard, thus preventing toxic runoff into the storm drains. (But if those icky little critters crawl inside, they are goners, especially those big cockroaches that fly at you when sprayed with bug killer. They will be drowned in spray, then smashed with the bug spray can.)

I will post a sign in the front yard extolling my environmental awareness to all passersby that my yard is now an environmental paradise. However, if the cat next door thinks he’s going to leave a natural deposit, Kitty may disappear forever.

If you want to designate your yard an environmental paradise, I will be happy to make you a sign. Just send $499.99 for the sign and $29.95 for shipping and handling.

Hey, what’s with that face? I told you I was going “green.”

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