Sunday, October 14, 2007

Declutteritis

It’s been a long, exhausting and painful month. I incurred a serious attack of declutteritis.

It all started with exposure to a television program about handy-dandy ways to simplify your life. A vision quickly spread to my brain of tidy closets and litter-free table tops, bookshelves and desks.

If not caught in the early stages, declutteritis can spread to the entire body causing a flurry of activity resulting in painful aches and pains from dragging, pulling, stooping, keeling and lifting.

It can also be expensive. Victims of this all-consuming delirium are often found in department stores scooping up containers and baskets of all sizes, labeling materials and trash bags.

Fortunately, recovery requires very little medication for the normally healthy person unless attics, basements and sheds are involved, or heavy furniture or equipment requires moving. A few over-the-counter pain relievers, some liniment and a good movie on DVD, plus a few days rest, clears up the aches.

Some victims often suffer a side effect. Declutteritis may lead to garagesaleotis, a short-term frenzy to rid the home of stuff that is no longer wanted, but too good to throw away. Further aches and pains may result, but can also be treated with non-prescription pain relievers and a cup of hot tea after the sale subsides.

Warning: Recovery from declutteritis and the resulting garagesaleotis can result in a trip back to the department stores with a bag of change (mostly dimes and quarters) to bring home more useless stuff to be stored in the closets and on table tops, bookshelves and desks.

Caution: Both conditions may reoccur, primarily in the Spring and Fall.

© Copyright 2007 Suzzwords

7 comments:

  1. Anonymous7:42 PM

    Oh, my! I have been a victim of declutteritis and garagesaleotis for quite some time. The problem is, my get up and go got up and went and my body just will not cooperate any longer. It can't seem to shake these diseases, either.

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  2. Hi Suzz, niggly little disease rather than something life threatening.

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  3. I must have been innoculated against declutteritis at an early age. Although from time to time an urge to buy a new plastic bin and begin gathering up old magazines does start somewhere in my slobbish soul, an urge to thumb trough those old issues soon takes hold and before you know it I'm thoroughly engrossed in an article or two.

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  4. Oh, delightful delightful. I found you via Ronnie's blog, and am sitting here highly amused. Often these dreaded diseases attack this house. I'm not the owner of many varied boxes, baskeds and things guaranteed to hold the detritus of my life tidily. Of course my stuff creaps out of it's containers, and leaves me breathless in the midst of chaos. Oh well. I delight indeed, thank you. Mage of.......

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  5. I'm a victim....a sad, sad victim. But...I'm in no shape to get declutteritis Susan....I just don't have the time, energy or inclination right now. So I hope I can't catch it through cyberspace....and I certainly can't afford to get garagesaleitis....OH GOD!

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  6. I hope your recovery is swift and complete. I read an article in the Journal of the American Medical Association that said your condition "Declutteritis" can be surgerically removed as an out patient.

    There is another school of medical knowledge that states:

    "The condition can be treated and its symptoms alleviated, but there is, alas, no cure. (The scientist who was working on one got locked in his own basement and died of clutter asphyxiation."

    Take care.

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  7. Oh how I need to catch that methinks, the office is just cluttered. My brand new desk is just overflowing with stuff.

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