Road Trip

If you grew up in the 40s and 50s and went on family trips, then you probably tasted the gooey sweet, pecan-covered goodness of a Stuckey’s pecan bar.

Clever kids of my era would time their bathroom break demands with the proximity of the next Stuckeys. Why? Well, my dear, you had to go through the gift shop to reach the restrooms and although you may have had to dash in, you could take up to the end of your parent’s patience to saunter back out past all the delightful souvenirs. With a little luck or a lot of whining, the least you would come out with was a pecan roll to be shared with parents and siblings.

If Stuckeys wasn’t on your immediate route, you watched for the Howard Johnson’s signs and begin to salivate for one of the 28 flavors of ice cream. Dad would stop for gas to fill up the old blue Plymouth and fill up the kids with a sugar fix. “Well, hurry up and decide, dammit. I want to get to Aunt Flora’s before dark.”


On the way to or from, you had to pass at least one “See Rock City” ad emblazoned across a barn. Being first to spot a barn with the famous sign was part of our back-seat game, but now I can’t remember exactly how it was played or what the prize or consequence was.

And just to keep things lively and everyone awake, there was always a sing-song chorus as we rattled off the Burma-Shave shave signs in time to the soft bump-bump of the tires across the big, modern two-lane highway.

To kiss a mug
That's like a cactus
Takes more nerve
Than it does practice
Burma-Shave!

And who could return home without one of those fabulous chenille bedspreads? Most were displayed on long ropes slung between trees with bamboo poles propping up the ropes to keep the spreads off the grass and waving enticingly to passing motorists. Some of those 1940s and 50s bedspreads are still in use. Finding one today to buy is still possible, but the price now would have paid for our whole trip, or maybe even two, then.

So which is better, the slower, stop and go, road trips of our childhood, or today’s zoom-down-the-highway-in-half-the-time? Hard to choose. Childhood trips included open windows in the summer to dry the sweat and cold hands and toes in the winter, so today’s autos are much more comfortable. On the other hand, the scenery of yesterday was constantly changing with plenty of farms and dairy herds to admire. Today’s interstates are easier to drive with ample service exits and rest stops. But still it would be nice to stop for a pecan roll and plastic alligator with bobbing head, or double scoop of fudge ripple now and then. Oh, sure, I know those and many more treats are still available, but somehow they just don’t have the same magic as that we hold in our memories.

Fun sights/sites to visit:

http://www.stuckeys.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuckeys

http://www.hojoland.com/28flavors.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Johnson

http://www.seerockcity.com/Html/index.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rock_City

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burma-Shave
http://www.montgomerycollege.edu/Departments/hpolscrv/mthomas.htm

http://www.georgiaencyclopedia.org/nge/Article.jsp?id=h-1016

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

That Competitive Nature

As children, we learned about being competitive.

“I can run faster than you.”

“Nonny nonny nah nah, I got a bigger piece of cake!”

“Bet my grade is better than yours.”

“I’m the prettiest.”

Teen years only made the spirit of competition more robust and by the time we achieved status in the working world, we had honed our talents to a razor sharp edge.

Now we are retired. Has the urge to compete worn off? Absolutely not. We are just competitive about different topics. The only good thing to come from the high prices of drugs is that we elders now have something new to berate and/or brag about. Have you listened in to any conversations at the pharmacy counter among the “Part D” recipients?

“Whooeee, why just last month my blood pressure pills alone were over $200!”

“Huh. You think that’s bad, you should see the cost of that dang drug the doc put me on for high cholesterol.”

“Listen, the two of you just think you are paying through the nose. Look at the cost of these refills for my arthritis and diabetes medicine. Just out of sight, I tell you, out of sight!”

“Well, you would just not believe what I had to give up just to pay for this small bottle of pills. I just don’t see where the money is coming from for the refill.”

Oh, the competition.

Truth is, it was a lot more fun when we were younger. Besides, you may have been able to outrun me, but I definitely was the prettiest!

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Coffee Mugs

Have you ever noticed that coffee mugs multiply behind the closed doors of kitchen cabinets? First you start out with a matched pair or a nice set of four, then suddenly one appears emblazoned with a logo from a local business. It snuggles up next to the newly arrived gift mug that says, “World’s Best Mom,” and before you know it, there are mugs of all shapes and sizes filling the cabinet and spilling over to the counter top.

They hide behind the toaster, lurk on the coffee table (just why is it called a “coffee table” anyway?), and even hitch rides in the car. In desperation, you may take a few to work to share with others, but that only invites more mugs to arrive from coworkers with the same idea.

Gathering up a box to give to the neighbor for a garage sale may not be met with enthusiasm. The neighbor already has four boxes full of mugs from other neighbors. Don’t even think of asking Goodwill or the Salvation Army to come pick them up for their thrift stores. Their shelves are already overflowing with mugs that won’t sell for even a dime. Sneaking up to the over-night donation bin just means you are opening the trunk of your car to the possibility more mugs will find a way in than you are dropping off!

What to do with all these mugs? Could they be used as a building material, sort of like bricks, only with handles? Maybe they could be ground up and used to pave driveways or walkways or build retaining walls. Does the government need to offer mug manufacturers a subsidy of some sort to stop making these household pests before the landfills are over run?

Phew. I’m exhausted now and think I’ll have a cup of coffee. Would you like one? Oh, and do take the mug with you!

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Things Our Parents Said – Part 2

Chew nails and spit tacks.

Dumber than a doorknob.

Scarcer than hen’s teeth.

Older than dirt.

In a tizzy.

Nutty as a fruitcake.

Screw loose.

Lights are on, but no one is home.

Up shit creek without a paddle.

Running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.

Like a bat out of hell.

Meaner than a snake.

Can’s see the forest for the trees.

Up one side and down the other.

Straight as the crow flies.

Solid as a rock.

Weak as water.

Spends money like it is going out of style.

Can’t fight his way out of a paper bag.

Ants in his pants.

Run around your thumb to get to your fingers.

Three sheets to the wind.

Tight as a tick.

Preaching to the choir.

Silly as a goose.

Loose as a goose.

Your word is your bond.

Sealed with a handshake.

Now here’s a little something from a good friend.

“My grandfather taught me the this over 50 years ago and I haven't been able to find where it originated or what it means. Any ideas?

‘As I was walking out in the street on the third day of last Julember with my shonebone in my pocket and my knees under my arms, I saw a white blackbird picking up grapeshot out of the wall. I picked up a rock and threw it at the white blackbird and killed a dead dog. Five furlongs on the other side of nowhere, a dead possum bit the hatchet's head off. You think that's simple but it isn't half as simple as Doctor Doolittle's blister-plaster falling out of his pocket and blistering his old horse's back, five feet or five feet square, whichever you want to call it.’”

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Things Our Parents Said

With the help of friends, here are some of the things our family members said to help us grow into adulthood. Some made sense, others … well, at least they got our attention. Others only made sense when we became adults and finally understood what those “old” people were talking about. Now that we are the “old” people, we hear the echo of our parents as we pass these “sayings” along to our children and grandchildren.

A special thanks to Moms: Mary, Eva, and Gladys.

If you keep making that face, it will freeze that way.

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Parental variation: If wishes were horses, what a job the street cleaners would have!

Wear clean underwear. You never know when you could be in an accident.

I’m so mad, my butt could chew buttonholes.

Put your wishes in one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills the fastest.

I brought you into this world and I can take you out!

There are children starving in Europe (Asia, Africa) that would love to have that liver and onions. Now eat it!

Don’t swallow those watermelon seeds! Do you want a vine growing out your navel?!

Don’t touch that, you don’t know where it’s been.

Grinning like a billy goat eating briars. (Usually refers to someone who has a "smirky" grin on their face.) .

Don’t make me come in there and slap you into next year!”

It’s better to be a happy old maid than a miserable wife.

Get in here. You are slow as molasses.

Land sakes, that car was big as all get out.

If your bed isn’t made by noon, you will have bad luck the rest of the day.

Why, he doesn’t have enough sense to come in out of the rain.

Clean up this room. It looks like a pig sty.

And just where do you think you’re going dressed like that?

It’s for your own good.

I don’t care what your friends do, you are not going. If they all jumped off a cliff, would you follow them?

The nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

They are just alike. They must be cut from the same cloth.

Don't just hop into bed with every man who comes along!

You eat so many sweets you're going to be diabetic. You always have drunk too much fluid (a sure sign).

Just because you want to do it doesn't make it right!

Women who ride in taxis are obviously going to meet their "Johns."

If you wash your hair too much, it's going to fall out.

Save the pennies, the dollars will take care of themselves.

And the best for last: Just you wait. Someday you are going to have children, then you will understand!

P.S. We’ve already thought up a few more, so there may be a Part II. Can’t wait to hear what YOUR family had to say! Just click on “Comments” below and scroll down to “Leave your comment.” You can preview your comment, then publish or just “log in and publish.”

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Hair-Raising Question

Ladies: have you noticed that as your eyesight wanes, the hairs on your chin begin to sprout more vigorously? What is it about face hair on men that is okay, but on women is totally unacceptable? Maybe we women have become the pawns of the fashion police and lured to spend zillions of dollars on hair-removal products.

I saw an ad the other day for a horrifying battery-propelled, hand-held gizmo that “gently removes hair at the root.” Yeah, right. That’s ad-speak for yanks those little stragglers from your flesh before you can faint. Okay, so now you have ripped the hair from your upper lip. What muffles the scream so your neighbors won’t think you have just discovered vermin lurking in your closet? If this gadget is all that great, why don’t men use it so they only have remove their face hair once a week?

To further promote the separation of our cash from our checkbooks, the ad even promised, “gentle enough to use in the bikini area.” Well, whoop-de-do. That’s an important consideration for we older ladies as we apply Ben Gay to our aching shoulder muscles or wipe the sweat from our brows at three a.m.

As for chin hair, I say if it was good enough for my grandmothers and my mother, it’s good enough for me. Well, maybe. Vanity still reigns. Okay, revise that. If I can see it, I’ll find a way to remove it. If someone else sees it and tells me (and they had better tell me), I’ll rush out and stock up on bleaching creams, waxes, chemical removers, and tweezers with an extra-wide gripping span to pluck several stragglers at once (scream follows).

Or maybe, as a way to avoid pain, not to mention the expense, I’ll just hang out with people whose eyesight is as bad or worse than mine. There, problem solved. Okay, everyone – glasses off ... now!

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Too Thin

Aahh, the magic words, “Well, if you ask me, she’s way too thin!”

I’ve never heard those words. It seems from the time I was born, I’ve been on a diet. Nowadays, I just blame these hips on heredity. As if I don’t already have enough to think about (calories, carbs, good fats, bad fats), now I have to keep an eye on my cell phone.

I just watched a commercial about the latest THIN cell phone! Super thin. All but fits in your wallet. Oh, just great. Not only am I walking around with fashion-unacceptable hips, my cell phone is too fat! Now what do I do? Get it a new cover in slimming black? Or should I go for vertical stripes? Do I have to give up making calls from the mall because it will be embarrassed and feel unattractive if others are using “slim” phones?

Is there a weight-watchers program for cell phones or is it just doomed to obsolescence, only to be cast aside for the tiny little skinny model? And what if the battery has to be replaced? If it, too, is super slim and accidentally slips out of the package and lands sideways, will it become invisible? Is it safe to plop a super-slim phone on an outdoor table during a windy day?

One manufacturer has a flip phone that not only is “slim,” but includes voice, data, multimedia and Bluetooth, and is about the width of a credit card. Okay. I understand “voice” and credit card (“Yes, put that on my credit card.”), but I have no clue what the other features are. I like it that way. I don’t want to know what the other stuff is or what it does; my life is complicated enough already.

I’m keeping my fat phone (I hope I haven’t offended any phones out there.) until some company comes out with a wrist model. Then I’ll change my name to Dixie Tracy and go in pursuit of dastardly villains. If you don’t understand that last line, then you are way too young to be reading this. Until then, I’ll just forego all the snappy features of the new phones and continue to try to figure out how to retrieve voice messages on good ol’ chubby.

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Elevator Mania

If you want to have some fun, just stand back and watch people trying to get on and off crowded elevators. There is something about elevator doors opening on the ground floor that sucks those waiting directly to the entrance so that those trying to get off have to bob and weave their way through the eager beavers.

There must be some sort of electronic connection between the elevator and the human brain – doors open, brain disconnects. Normal men and women suddenly go numb to the fact that the people inside must first come OUT before they can get IN.

Have you ever seen someone actually swept backwards and imprisoned by the eager beavers in their zest to be the first on? Some of those “first ons” are only riding up one floor and then have to squeeze their way past the fifth and eleventh floor folks.

Could it be that every time an elevator reaches the ground floor and doors open, a new prize of some sort appears on the back wall and the first one in wins? It must be a great prize from the way people lunge through the doors. Or maybe the rule is first one on gets to push all the buttons for everyone else. It’s a control thing.

The weird part about this elevator mania is that the same people who go up will also later come down and have to dodge and weave their way through forward-pressing bodies to escape. Apparently that experience has no effect on their next "up" elevator ride as they leap forward to gain their favorite spot – back wall, left or right wall, right in front.

Maybe the mad dash is because no one likes to stand in the middle; there is no where to lean or a rail to grasp. “Middle” people also have to bump right or left letting the wall people out. Have you also noticed that when an elevator is comfortably filled, there’s always at least one more person who has to push and wedge their way in to create the sardine effect?

Personally, I’ll just stand back and wait for the next elevator, or the next, or take the stairs. I’m just not in that much of a hurry to rub elbows and other body parts with strangers. Some of those riders I’ve seen leaping forward to be “first in” are really strange!

The next time you go to a building with busy elevators, arrive a little early and enjoy the show. If you are an eager beaver and just miss one as you dash up to the doors, take a deep breath and slow down and remember that old saying, “What goes up …,” well, you know the rest.

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Good Feelings

Down Memory Lane

Feelings. No, not emotional feelings like angry or sad. I ‘m talking about those warm fuzzy feelings when something unexpected triggers a pleasant memory from childhood.

There is a line or two in Sue Monk Kidd’s “The Secret Life of Bees” when the heroine walks through dew dampened grass, then past a crepe myrtle tree. She has to brush away the fallen crepe myrtle flowers sticking to her feet before entering the house. The scene stuck with me and I thought, who has grown up in the South and not walked barefoot through crepe myrtle blossoms?

Then I began to think of other things that were parts of our childhood. For my Southern friends – did you ever pull honey suckle blooms and taste the nectar or pop a just-plucked wild blackberry in your mouth while trying to avoid the thorny bush entangled around your sandal-clad feet?

What about sticking your face in a pile of sun-dried linens to enjoy the clean out-door smell? No matter how they try, detergent manufacturers can never replicate that fragrance. Did you ever catch lightening bugs in a mayonnaise jar or have your mom tell you to wash off the “toe jam” before going to bed?

During childhood, a summer day outside seldom ended without the tell-tale rings of sweat-enhanced dirt around our necks or anything from twigs to Bazooka bubble gum stuck in our hair. A really good day ended with at least one of us sporting a new bruise or cut from having left part of an elbow on the street from roller skating or being the target of a green pinecone.

We cooled off with ice-cold Cokes from greenish glass bottles, then carefully placed the empties back in the wooden crates so they could be returned for the deposit or replaced with full bottles. As teens, we baked and ate brownies (ahh, that fresh-from-the-oven smell!) by the thousands and never gained a pound.

The weekly meeting of every kid under the age of 13 took place on Saturday mornings at the local movie house to watch Roy Rogers or Hopalong Cassidy triumph over the bad guys (they wore the black hats), then catch up on the latest serial of Buck Rogers.

Ah, memories. Too bad the kids of today have to miss out on the fun we had. But, who knows, perhaps in sixty years one of them will be transmitting their memories in holographic images.

Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.

http://www.royrogers.com/

http://www.hopalong.com/home.asp

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Happy Birthday

This is a notable birthday week in my diary. (Okay, I don’t actually keep a diary, I just thought that would make a good opening line.)

First of all, one of my best friends and I are celebrating our birthdays. It takes a Gemini to know a Gemini and even though there are several years between us, we struck up an immediate friendship upon meeting several years ago.

Not only are our birthdays two days apart, we share the same first name. We have also been in corporate public relations and honed our writing skills while keeping our senses of humor. Through the years, we have come up with all sorts of ideas to express our creativity and my friend has now found a way to not only stretch her web design wings, but also express her patriotism and love for our beautiful United States of America.

My friend’s website, American Travel Sampler, is officially “born” on Flag Day, June 14, 2006.

Please take a minute to visit www.americantravelsampler.com/index.html
and wish them both a red, white and blue “Happy Birthday!”

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Weekends

If it weren’t for weekends, working people would go crazy. They also would not have any clean clothes and their cars would never get washed. God invented weekends so working people could catch up on real life.

God also invented retirement because after only having a real life two out of seven days for years and years, working people can then sleep in as much as they want. Retirement is the reward for spending most of your life doing what someone else wants.

Retired people pretty much do what they want, when they want, and in their pajamas if they want. Most of the retired people I know get everything done by Friday so they can spend the next two days watching the working people zip around like crazy trying to get done what we retired folks have spread out over the past five.

Hey, there, you working people, haven’t you noticed those older folks on the benches and in the food court at the malls on Saturdays and Sundays? They are the ones savoring a cup of specialty coffee or lingering over a giant pretzel. They are also not surrounded by shopping bags or small children demanding to “go potty.”

They are thoroughly enjoying the weekend, made even sweeter by watching you zing in and out of all the stores in their view. If they frequently glance at their watches, it’s a good bet (yes, it was a pun intended) they have a buck or two riding on how fast you can buy Junior a complete outfit, including shoes, in less time than the lady in the blue blouse just outfitted her princess for a day at the beach.

And here’s some insider info. Some stores give discounts to retired people who shop during the week. That’s because we can shop at two in the afternoon without having to fake illness to get off work. Uh, huh. Makes you working people jealous, doesn’t it?

Before we retired, we once worried that we wouldn’t have anything to do on the weekends. Now we wonder how we got it all done and still had time to play on the weekends. Well, it's not all fun and games. This retirement is hard work, but (sigh) someone has to do it. I don’t mind helping out whenever I can with the sleeping in, shopping in the middle of the week and catching the Friday matinee at the new multi-plex.

Oh, and for all you working people who are slaves to the alarm clock, “Have a nice week!”

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Having Fun -- Again

Sittin' on the bank (of the street) carfishin'.

There are no age restrictions on having fun. You don’t have to be over, oh, say, eleven, or under sixty. And you should never, ever turn down the opportunity to have fun, even if you have to think up fun stuff to do all by yourself.

Some people are “full of fun,” some are funny, and others are fun to be around because they are so interesting. A few really, really lucky people have all three characteristics and may be classified as “weird,” but that only adds to their funness.

Then there are those who are not only fun, but every now and then do the unexpected and make everyone around them smile or laugh out loud. Such were the antics of my retired neighbors on a recent afternoon when they decided to “catch” everyone who drove past their houses.

In the midst of a subdivision, with nary even a small body of water in sight, Bill and Milt set up their comfy lawn chairs, situated the cooler and TACKLE BOX curbside on the driveway and cast their lines – are you ready for this? – into the street! They even “caught” a few big ones: one or two Hondas, a Ford pickup, a Toyota!

They had fun. The neighbors had fun. Passers-by waved or honked and had fun. How could you not be amused by two guys street fishing for carfish. What a great sense of humor and what a great gift to give those tired working people on the way home!

Thanks, guys.

Oh, and by the way, just how do you clean and prepare one of those big ol’ carfish?

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Folk Singers

Suzz’s Serious Side

There’s something about folk music that touches our hearts with truth and purity. In the late ‘50s and early ’60, the Kingston Trio, one of the most famous of the folk singing groups, made a huge and lasting impact on popular music.

Today, while slipping into wonderful memories when hearing their music again, we are also jolted into reality as some of the words are not only reminiscent, but as true today as they were almost 50 years ago.

One of those "oldies" songs is particularly poignant.

Here are the words to The Kingston Trio’s view of the world situation – then. Not much has changed since this “minuet” was introduced except perhaps a few locations. For all the strides we've made in science and technology, how sad the nations of the world are still at war with one another.

The Merry Little Minuet

They're rioting in Africa.
They're starving in Spain.
There's hurricanes in Florida,
And Texas needs rain.
The whole world is festering
With unhappy souls,
The French hate the Germans,
The Germans hate the Poles.
Italians hate Yugoslavs,
South Africans hate the Dutch,
And I don't like anybody very much!

But we can be tranquil
And thankful and proud
For man's been endowed
With a mushroom shaped cloud.

And we know for certain that some lovely day,
Someone will set the spark off
And we will all be blown away!

They're rioting in Africa.
There's strife in Iran.
What nature doesn't do to us
(whatever)
Will be done by our fellow man!

Perhaps in fifty more years, with a little luck, our grandchildren will have straightened things out and live in harmony, both with each other and this beautiful planet called “Earth.”

***

P. S. Visit The Kingston Trio home page and click on the jukebox to hear some of their hits including “Where Have All The Flowers Gone?” and “This Land Is Your Land.”

http://www.kingstontrio.com/html/home.htm

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

Socks and Shoes

Which one do you say, “socks and shoes” or “shoes and socks?” How we describe the simple act of covering our feet must go back to childhood.

“Billy, go put on your shoes and socks right now.” Think about that; if you put on your shoes and then your socks, socks would not last very long. It would also look silly, unless of course, a pop diva wore her socks and shoes that way. On the other hand, “socks and shoes” just doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily. Here's the catch, if you grew up hearing the phrase a certain way, you probably say the same thing to your kids.

Some people put on both socks, then their shoes. Some people put on a sock and a shoe and then the other sock and shoe. Is there a right way and wrong way? Which foot do you start with? It’s a good bet that no matter how you put on your shoes and socks, you do it the same way every time.

Years ago, an “All in the Family” scene had Meathead and Archie arguing about how to put on foot covering. Archie insisted the proper way was to put on both socks and then both shoes. Meathead preferred to “take care of one foot,” then move on to the other.*

Maybe this subject should not be discussed in mixed company. Is it too personal? Since everything else is discussed on every form of media, maybe we should reserve at least one subject for private company. No, no. That wouldn’t work. Then someone would form support groups, people would take sides and the next thing you know people would march in the streets and we would have federally-funded studies on why people put on their shoes and socks like they do. We would have to “declare” or “confess” our preferences and local governments would put an additional tax on both shoes and socks because of the wear and tear on sidewalks.

Okay, forget I brought up this whole thing and just go barefoot for the rest of the day. By the way, when you refill the TP holder, do you go over the top to the front or down the back?

*The transcript of CNN Larry King Live that aired June 22, 2001, "Remembering Carroll O'Conner," includes a text version of the now famous sock and shoe routine.

*When this post was written in May 2006, an audio version of this classic scene, along with an interview with Norman Lear and Rob Reiner, was available on the Internet. As of June 2009, it can no longer be found.
© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords

“THE” Big Event

Funny how our lives revolve around “THE” events.

“Mommy , don’t wanna go THE docta.”

“Momma, can I keep THE dog?”

“Mom, guess what! I have a date for THE dance!”

“Tell me you will on time for THE graduation tonight.”

“I’m so excited! I got THE job!”

“Oh, sorry, can’t make lunch, THE wedding is in just a week.”

“Can't start any new projects until after THE move.”

“Did you hear? THE baby came a week early.”

“Are you going to THE big party?”

“THE transfer came in and I have to be in Atlanta in two weeks!”

“We got THE loan and move into the new house next month!”

“I got THE promotion!”

"THE memorial service was lovely."

"I hear THE anniversary dinner is at one of the best restaurants in town!"

“Are you going to wear that to THE retirement party?”

We have THE greatest memories.

THE end.

© Copyright 2006 Suzzwords