Saturday, August 23, 2008

Good Riddance, TS Fay

There are certain truths about human behavior with the approach, arrival, and departure of tropical storms and hurricanes. There are always a few, who, even after negative experience from previous storms, still follow the same pattern. If you live in coastal regions subject to hurricanes and tropical storms and exhibit any of the behaviors listed below, please move to another country.

1. Refuse to remove or trim trees dangerously close to houses or buildings with the excuses of A.) I had no idea it would fall on your car; B.) That limb in your roof is not my fault, it was and act of God; C.) Tree? What tree?

2. Think those garbage cans, toys, and lawn furniture won’t become flying missiles during fifty mile per hour winds. Besides the garage/carport/store room is too full of old stuff to bring all the yard stuff inside.

3. Wait until fifteen minutes before the storm’s arrival to stock up and get gas and then get mad because there is no bread, milk, charcoal, batteries, or brewskis left at the convenience store and the heavy rain dilutes the gas they are pumping into their pickup trucks.

4. Decide to “ride it out” despite dire warnings from government offices issuing evacuation orders.

5. Four hours after the storm’s arrival decide to evacuate.

6. Go out driving during the height of the storm just to see “how bad it is” and then explain to the rescue personnel that they didn’t see the utility pole because the sideways rain was coming down too hard and their eight-year old windshield wipers weren’t working.

7. Call a tree removal company during the storm and ask if they can come remove a tree from their roof.

8. Call the roofer during the storm and ask if they can come fix a leak.

9. Go outside during the storm for a smoke and wonder why they can’t get a wet cigarette lit.

10. Open windows during the storm to let in the fresh air and wonder by the floor and furniture gets wet. (Gee, Hon, I had no idea the wind would blow in all that rain. Oh, well, the insurance will cover the damage and we need new carpet anyway.)

11. After the storm, asks the neighbors for bread, milk, and brewskis. (Don’t need charcoal, forgot to get it, unless you can spare some of them hotdogs. Oh, and got any buns, too? And some of that mustard? How’s about we just come on over to eat?)

12. Drive into water of unknown depth and complain when the car engine stalls out, they have to be rescued, and the car floats away just after they are plucked to safety by exhausted and overworked police, fire and rescue personnel.

13. Expect the “government” to be responsible for the damage or destruction to their homes and provide food, shelter, clothing, and an allowance for the rest of their lives.

© Copyright 2008 Suzzwords


  1. Amazes me that things are this way. Other climates affect human behavior as well. Stop any car on the road when it snowing and blowing and -20F in my neck of the woods and you'll find occupants (including children and young babes) in thin coats, with no hats, and probably dress shoes or runners rather than snowboots. Go figure.

    I am the absolute number one nag around here for extra warm clothing in the trunk in midwinter. And so to appease, my mental deficiency and paranoia, my kids do it, not because it makes sense, but because I have a complete breakdown if they don't. They would argue that the weather does not affect their mental capacity, it only affects mine. :)

  2. Anonymous1:25 PM

    #14 - Decide to go to the beach to see GREAT waves and then drive home in pouring rain and gusty winds -- alternating with a prayer and then a curse at our stupidity. It is stuff life is made of.

  3. Are these for real Susan? Some of these are just downright stupid...but some of these are simply insane. What would make anyone do these things unless they weren't playing with a full deck?

  4. Anonymous9:50 PM

    Hey, my neighbor went out and bought a fan in case the air conditioning went out.